Friday, November 2, 2007

Self - Knowledge

Not sure where this is going but I have been thinking about self-knowledge and what that means. I found a bit more on the subject at Recovery Road: "Self Knowledge": necessary and sufficient?.

Part of working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous is the self discovery. I learned how selfish my fears are. That my fears alter how I see the world. That my fears limit how much I trust God. That my fears limit how I do God's will. That my fears cripple me.

A couple of years ago I could not have seen my fears. My problems were depression, overwhelming sadness, more pills please. Certainly not to much drink. I could not have admitted to being afraid.

Today I try to trust that by following the AA prgram, I'll slowly change. Turning my will and my life over to the care of God will encompass more of my life over time. My fears will not evaporate. I will never have a life with no fear but I will no longer be crippled by fear.

I pray that I will learn to see people through the lens of God's love, not the lens of fear.

In the long form of the serenity prayer, it reads:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

To take the world as God does, not as how I would want it. Not my way but God's way.

If there is a newcomer at the meeting, fear will keep me away from him. The fear will prevent me from sharing my experience and hope. That fear could taint the way the newcomer sees AA. Seems like fear is the opposite of love. Fear creates hate. Love creates compassion.

Thank you


Lee D said...

Incredibly well put Henk, thank you. You are my angel of the morning with a message I needed to hear.

indistinct said...

Thank you Lee. Not to often that someone calls me an angle :)

I'm glad that my experience can help someone else. Just as your experience and sharing help me and others.


Anonymous said...

I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to lay it open in a public forum. Rigourous honesty is the only thing that will keep us sober and recovering.
Good for you for striking out on your own blog.
And remember to "go with the winners" those who keep working their program, no matter what.

Anonymous said...

fear is but an illushion same as self catch your brain and be apart of the awarness that sees the illushions of thought wake up