Monday, December 3, 2007


Someone in a comment to one of my entries, I can't remember who, suggest that I read a little booklet titled "Acceptance, the way to serenity and peace of mind." It is published by Abbey Press. It is written from a Judeo-Christian background but contains only one prayer, the serenity prayer. As I was reading it, I was thinking about a lot of the events that have filled my families lives these past few years. Seemed like lots of trials and tribulations for each member, difficult times. I came across the following passage from the booklet:

God does not will evil or condone injustice; He merely permits it, even while He works the marvel by which it results in good. So if we find ourselves in an apparently hopeless situation, with every avenue of escape blocked, we must not rebel. Instead, we must realize that God has His reasons, in His infinite goodness and wisdom, for permitting it. And so we accept it, saying "Thy Will be done!" Immediately the load drops from our shoulders, and the assurance that all will be well well brings peace to our soul.

Look back over your life, Honestly, now, can't you see how the loving Hand of God has brought a happy ending to many events that seemed to be unmitigated tragedies at the time? "Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?"

A part of me says "No way". The part of me that wants to blame God and use all the painful stuff of life to prove there is no God. The part of me that wants to numb and run away from it all.

A part of me says "yeah". When I look back over my life I can see that the real growth occurred when I hit bottom. When life becomes so painful I am forced to change. To look beyond myself. I would never have sobered up, gotten clean from all the internet porn and chat, if pain had not intervened.

A part of me says "maybe." When it comes to all the stuff in my families life that is happening today. A loved one struggling with addiction. Another one is grieving. God does not guarantee that all will turn out as I wish them too.

"Thy will be done." is just that. God's will. Not mine. I'm not driving the bus. I'm not in control of what goes on around me. Serenity comes when I let go of the wheel.

Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with how much I love my children and spouse. This usually happens when they are going through painful periods. In sobriety, I can talk with them, hug them, tell them that I love them. And even though I feel afraid, I can still be there for them, do the things a father is to do. Sobriety is a wonderful gift. One day at a time. Thank you.


YamadogGirl said...

A girl in her first lead ever said this, and it stuck with me - "There is my business, there is God's business, and there is none of my G-damn business!" Sorry tried to clean the profanity, but that's what she said. What I learned from that, was those that struggle need us to set an example. We do that by staying sober, close to God, working with others, being loving, tolerant and compassionate (and more). We can only take care of ourselves, we can't work another's program, pain or life. I believe that's God's will for all of us, to do these things everyday. Lots of times we fail, but He knows when we do, when we are going to, and He forgives us. The same is true for everyone.

I've also learned that God never makes mistakes, He has to correct the devils all the time, but He never does. An example would be a major tragedy, such as Hurricane Katerina. Millions of lives were lost, and yet it brought a nation together (in prayer, prevention, etc..), something positive came from the negative, but there was a bottom first.

It's hard living through pain, and it is hard accepting, but the more we practice the better we get, and after all, that's all God wants of us, to try our best.

Your family is in my prayers.
Blessings & Love,

indistinct said...

Thank you Kimberly. For your words of encouragement. Thanks for reminding me that I only have to try my best.