Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Get out of the way.

Thinking of a loved one who struggles with addiction fills me with fear. Every time. It has for years. The intensity of the fear diminishes as I work the steps but fear is still a companion. So many folk struggle with the same things. When I read this entry over at Child Lost, I cried. Knowing her pain was the same as our pain. Watching someone we love struggle in addiction. Never knowing what the out come will be. Struggling to find the courage to let go.

Over at a dozen steps I found a link to an old grape vine article titled Let go and let God. The part of the article that stuck me was:

Since God doesn't usually reveal Himself by ringing bells or sending bolts of lightning, we can go only by our own feelings about specific matters. If we feel a sense of God's presence in our affairs, however slight and fleeting it sometimes seems to be, then it's likely that we're making our approach in a suitable manner. We should also remember that God's power is ready to come into our lives whenever we are ready; we are seeking Somebody whose presence is all around us but goes unnoticed because of our own doubts, fears and lack of faith. The job is essentially one of getting ourselves out of the way of our own good.
Echo's of my sponsors words flow through these. He taught me to pray for this loved one by placing the loved one in God's hands, asking that God would do what needed to be done so that the individual could turn their live and will over to their Higher Power's care. My sponsor then told me I should pray to stay out of the way. Not to let my fear jump in, causing me to take over the job, usurping God.

My own doubts, fears, and lack of faith cause me to try and take control. The article goes on to show how prayer and mediation, love, and service can help us draw closer to the God of our understanding. For myself, one of the hardest things to do is let go and let God. I want to be involved. I work hard an not offering God solutions when I pray. Suggestions that my Higher Power might try things my way.

I'll continue to offer simple prayers. I'll meditate through writing, trying to understand. I'll keep on loving, trying to love without conditions and judgement. Trying to be a representative of God's hands through service. (all though I'm sure my coffee doesn't taste divine.)

When I am full of fear, I don't feel much courage. What helps is knowing that I should do what I know to be God's will for me, even though the fear tells me other wise. In doing what is right, I act in courage.

We are not alone. I have lots of gratitude for the many people who share their stories in blogs. The support there is in this community. For the simple spirituality that AA leads to, that powerfully changes and shapes my life. For family and friends. Thank you.

1 comment:

pat said...

I just want to say that these words, all of them, made such a difference to me this morning. I had a restless night full of bad dreams and I awoke not knowing what my day would bring. I spoke to God and more importantly tried to listen to him through my heart then I went online to read some blogs and I came across your post. I believe God places others in our lives as some of our answers. Today, you were one of my answers. Thanks so much.