Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ironic

Someone recently told me that coincident is God's way of staying anonymous.

Yamadoggirl wrote in a recent post:

The dependence I place on God today, has given me such spiritual independence it's incredible.
That reminded me of a comment she had made on one of my entries where she said it was ironic that when we give our lives over to our higher power, we get freedom.

This conundrum was wafting through my head (my sponsor likes to call it pondering) when I came across a passage from The AA way of life, a reader by Bill" that referred to the Big Book. The qoute from the Big Book is on page 100:

"When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned"

I was pondering this morning about all the changes that have happened over the last three years. About what a painful period of time that's been and the good that has come from it. How God has given me the courage and the strength to face life without having to hide in a bottle or go a porning. My councilor, while I was in treatment, warned that we have no idea about how good life will be as we sober up. He said we couldn't even begin to imagine what would be in store for us. How staying sober, one day at a time, can bring so much change. How following 12 suggestions can bring a spiritual opening within us. I could ramble on and on.

I still carry fear and worry. I can face that fear. Work my way through it and get a decent sleep most of the time. I can hold my spouses hands in times of adversity and work with her, not becoming angry at her because she wouldn't do things my way. We used to fight so much during stressful periods in our family's life. I can accept that I am powerless (at least most of the time).

We still have to make decisions. Still have to live life. Living my life in God's hands doesn't mean I give up responsibility and abdicate my responsibilies to God. Far from that. And that's were the irony is. I feel freer and as I continue to make the right choices, I grow. I can't explain this well. What I feel is that as I learn to drop my god mantle, no longer attempting to be a higher power, I get relieved of the burden I self imposed. The freedom in accepting the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can.


"Time takes time." That's was my sponsor loves to say. I'm just beginning on my journey. If I stay on the path that God has shown me, God will continue to change me, to grow, to nurture, to love. That I can do the same for others. (gulp, somewhere in the big book it says that we learn to love all humans, what an order!) Little by little, we get so much.

Thank you for letting me share.

1 comment:

pat said...

You really write some beautiful things that touch my heart. Thanks so much.