Saturday, December 1, 2007

Roots on the path

My employer keeps shifting and adding responsibility to my job. A major upheaval last September which I was just coming to grips with and now another one this week. Self pity always arrives before acceptance. Fear of the change, anger towards my supervisor, and poor me, why is this happening to me. The deep rooted fear from watching a love one trying to get into recovery. Slipping and sliding. The difficulty in trying to stay out of the way. I thank God for the program of A.A. I get a sponsor to talk to, meetings to attend, a step group that helps me grow. I am not alone, If I work the program, I don't stay in self pity for long.

At lunch break yesterday, I was reading recovery blogs. Entries about gratitude. One over at Recovery Road. Another over at Anonymous Alcoholic. What I heard at both of these was "hang in there". The struggles I am having with self will lessen as the years pass. Reading those gives me hope.

After work, my partner and I went out for dinner with one of the children and her husband. Good company, good hot and sour soup, good sushi. We had a wonderful time visiting. Afterwards, went to a small theatre and watched a moving play. A great conversation with a stranger during the intermission. More time with family.

These are gifts from the program. I would have been more interested in the wine than in the people around the table in the past. I would have rushed through the play, in order to get home to more wine. I would not have talked to strangers, fear holding me back. I would have talked with family just long enough to let them think I cared for them, when in truth I was deeply desiring more wine.

My life has changed more than I can realize. It's the small things that bring great joy. The smile of a grand child, a single line in a play, wearing my silly winter hat, holding hands with my spouse during the play, snow flakes in the air, laughter over a joke. Beams of sunlight.

In God's hands, I can face myself, I can change. Thank you.

5 comments:

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

That's lovely. I'm so glad you were able to spend time, present and sober, with your family. What a gift to you and to them.

Ralph said...

Thanks for the share Indistict, sounds like your recovery is progressing nicely. I too have a recovery blog:

http://onlinechristiancoffeehouse.blogspot.com

God Bless,

Ralph L.

recoveryroad said...

Hot & sour soup. Sushi. You and me would dine well together, matey!

I understand what you write about self-pity; for me it comes from feeling powerless to do or get what I want and that in itself is usually driven by fear. If that makes any sense Lol

Rex said...

Acceptance is so hard for me to and inevitable it is always the answer to all my problems just as the Big Book says.

YamadogGirl said...

I got your comment, and message. If you need an ear let me know. Also know that no matter what happened you are not alone.

"God walks with us everyday, and carries us when we need Him most."

You're in my prayers.

Blessings & Love,
Kimberly