Tuesday, December 4, 2007


A daughter of ours had given us the delightful news that she was with child and that the child would be born in May or June of next year. The joy of this miracle has been sweeping through our family during the last few weeks.

She miscarried yesterday. Ended up in the hospital twice, the second time dangerously low of blood. The medical staff able to stop the bleeding, replenish her fluids, and send her home again.

It takes my breath away, to think that if this had happened at an earlier time in history or at another location on this planet the outcome would be very different. The gratitude I feel brings tears to my eyes.

Her husband also has my gratitude. Getting her to the hospital through two feet of wet sticky snow was a feat all in it's own. Storms have battered the west coast of Canada all weekend creating havoc and his strength and courage and love for my daughter got them though all those adverse conditions. He stood by her through the painful times in the hospital, supporting her and caring for her in spite of all his fears.

The out pouring of love and concern from her siblings, and grand parents, and many other family members. (And I used to think we faced this world alone.) I have never understood the importance of family until very recently.

Once again, I am amazed at the love that my spouse has for our children. The depth and warmth, the caring she displays. Through crisis, her courage is so apparent. I am indeed blessed to be married to this woman.

Sometimes, when all is slippery, the ground covered by deep water logged snow, the sky dark, the wind strong, and the rain heavy, it seems impossible to carry on. Life can be scary and hopeless. I have often wrote about being in God's hands, knowing that what is happening around me doesn't need to cause me to relapse. That I can face my own fears with God's help. One day at a time or one moment at a time. I also feel at times that God is like standing on solid rock. Knowing the security of ground won't give way. That I am supported with my Higher Powers strength. We are not alone.

My Higher Power chose to take the unborn child home, for reasons we will never know. Our family grieves for that little one, while feeling gratitude that our daughter, our sister is still with us.

Spending time, talking with my daughter last night, was another gift of sobriety, a present from God. To talk with her, for her, and about her.

I am feeling just a bit overwhelmed by all the events that have happened over that last few weeks. It's been hard to take a breath. More than ever, it's clear that I'm not in control. Nor do I have to be. The future is unclear. It's in God's hands.

Thank you.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your words today. I really needed to be reminded today where my head and my heart need to be -- and that we are not alone.

YamadogGirl said...

Your family will continue to be in our prayers, and we will send a flood your way.

The loss your family feels I cannot fathom, but you are correct that none of you are alone. You are all safe, healthy, and there for each other, to comfort and find spiritual comfort.

My current sponsor's son & daughter in-law lost their newborn last month. They are all going through the grieving process right now, things are difficult for the parents, they are having a hard time accepting. So we all pray for them daily to see God's will.

Blessings & Love, take care.