Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Feelings


a backside shot
Originally uploaded by indistinct
My spouse suggested that we be hopeful for the new year. That we can look at the possibility of good things happening for us.

That is really irritating me this morning. I have no idea what is coming up in this new year. Good things. Bad things. Making decisions, all sorts of things that will bring feelings. It overwhelms me. The thought of all those feelings to deal with. I get feelings of sadness and self-pity. Feelings of defeat, of "what's the use." No optimism in my head this morning.

This is the year we would like to change house. This is the year of a big anniversary number and we need to celebrate it. I face another year of work, the work place full of negativity, doom and gloom, not wanting to be there, having resentments about it. Another year of meetings, of working towards sobriety, of trying to balance my needs with everyone else's need, of trying to find some fun in all of that.

So am I looking forward to the new year? I think not. It's got me down.

I know these are only feelings. I know that they will pass. I know that if I stay in just today, everything will be okay. To think of a whole year, for this alcoholic, is unhealthy. I get overwhelmed by all the possibilities. So, I can only live in today. Today, everything will be okay. Today I choose to stay sober and clean. Today, I don't have to feel lost. I don't have to try to look past all the tall grass that blocks my view of the future. Today I am not alone.

"This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.

When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn". -- Big Book, pg 62 and 63

4 comments:

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Happy New Today!

YamadogGirl said...

Happy New Day! A friend told me this and it felt right and better then year.

Last night I heard a woman lead and she said this one simple thing "we all have feelings, but they will change and pass, they aren't permanent like a real knife to the heart."

So even though I sometimes feel yucky and things are going to suck, they will pass and open to joy, happiness or contentment just as well. It's not like someone literally stabbed me and I'll never heal. I thought that was pretty cool.

Have a great day!

Love,
Kimberly

dAAve said...

My sponsor would probably suggest that you read Step 3 from the 12/12 every day for the next 2 weeks. It will shed a different light on any situation.

indistinct said...

Happy New Day.

Thank you for everyones comments and care.

I made it through that day clean and sober, my amends are made, and life goes on.

The feelings did pass, I can learn from that day.

Thank you again for sharing a part of your lives with me.