Friday, January 18, 2008

life and will

At my home group yesterday, the topic was step 3. "Made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God as I understand him." After the group read Step 3 out of the 12 and 12, I was asked if I would share first. I shared of the events over the last few days, of how I had to turn so much over to God or I would have gone crazy. I spoke of the deep fear over my child's drug addiction. I spoke of the love and support that came from fellow AA's. I spoke of the power of step 3 to help face life without have to go back to a bottle. As I shared I was overcome with gratitude. For what God has done for me in the past 22 months. For the changes in me and in my family.

A bit later in the meeting a young man was asked to share. He spoke of his own addiction, of how much it hurt his family, of how hard it is to build that trust. As he spoke, I could feel a bit more hope because as he shared he reminded me of my addicted love one and did show me that it is possible to find meaningful recovery.

It was an amazing meeting as people spoke of step 3 and how it changes lives. How in acceptance and trusting in God, the rest of the steps could be worked. How a spiritual awakening happens while working those steps. Lots of Higher Power talk.

At the end of the meeting, a fellow came up to me and gave me a hug. Now I'm a big guy and it's not to often I get hugged by someone bigger than me. I have no idea what happened but while he was hugging me I broke out crying. That hug confirmed again that I wasn't alone. That I was connected to something much much larger than myself.

We visited our addicted child last night. Physically, the child looked better. The darkness gone from their face. As this young adult spoke, we could still hear the depression and the deep sadness in the words and tears. A long journey is before him (just as for the rest of us). I hope and pray that this child of ours makes the choice to live life. I know that this one is in God's hands.

Thank you for your support and prayers. The love and gratitude I feel for that is deep.


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I'm continuing to keep you and your family in my thoughts.

And thanks for the stomach virus story. It's helping me keep things in perspective -- there could be worse stomach virus situations! :)

pat said...

I, too hope your child makes the choice to live life. It is a long road for both yourself & your child, but hold on to hope. I believe in it, and it has gotten me through some very dark days. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

How wonderful that your child has such a loving father,there with unconditional love,exactly the same way our Higher Power is there for us when we screw-up. Still in my thoughts and prayers.