Wednesday, February 20, 2008

defense

Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defence against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defence. His defence must come from a Higher Power. (page 43 of the Big Book)


When my A.A. sponsor began to laugh and point out my self-pity and ego-feeding deceptions, I was annoyed and hurt, but it taught me to lighten up and focus on my recovery. I soon learned to laugh at myself and eventually I taught those I sponsor to laugh also. Every day I ask God to help me stop taking myself too seriously. (Daily Reflections, February 20)



I read somewhere that addiction is a disease of the thinking. That our mind is trying to kill us. How, even today, my mind is always looking for something to run away with. My thoughts can be fearful. They can be lustful. I can drift back in memory to when drinking was more pleasurable, hadn't caused me all the harm it did later on. I remember internet relationship, where just the thought that someone else liked me would give me a lift for weeks. In other words, my mind likes to go off topic, likes to just go somewhere a little less painful than reality.

The more tired I became last week, the more difficult it was to control my thinking. Near the end of the 7th long day, it was constant. Reign in the thoughts, turn back to God. Self pity flexing it's muscles. That line from todays Big Book quote "The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defence against the first drink.", is so true. I don't know how I would have stayed clean and sober this past week without prayer and God. In turn, reminding me to turn to friends and family.

As I shared about the fellow who's cake I presented last night, I spoke of our spiritual journey together. How I wrestle with old concepts of God (the punisher), as I try more and more to allow God to be the director of my life. How our conversations provided pivotal moments for me. The more I journey with A.A., the clearer my understanding of a loving compassionate God becomes. I am so thankful for this.

This mornings daily reflection has shown me I take myself way to serious. When we were doing that in depth study of the Big Book and the 12 steps, there were times we laughed so hard that tears ran down our face. Laughing at ourselves, at our attitudes. With all the events of the last three months I haven't laughed a lot. I miss that. I pray that I don't take myself so seriously. That even in all the struggles that seem to befall our family recently there are still times of joy and serenity. It is good to be in the hands of God.

I have today off work. We have stuff to do in town this morning. Hope to work on our boat this afternoon. It hasn't seen the water since the fall. Being out on the water is the most magnificent cathedral of all. I've missed it. Maybe this weekend!

Thanks for letting me share.

2 comments:

YamadogGirl said...

Hi!

Thanks for all your prayers!

Now down to the good stuff. On page 23 of A.A. "Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his MIND rather than his body." This is repeated over and over in our text. The text is about a new way of life, not about keeping the plug in the jug. In order to be recovered from alcoholism we have to take the action required of the 12 Steps, clear cut precise directions are given to us about 1) What the problem is 2) What the solution is and 3) How to take action on that solution

Pg. 25 "The great fact is just this, and nothing less: That we have had deep and effective spiritual experiences* which have revolutionized our whole attitude toward life, toward our fellows and toward God's universe."

* Spiritual Experience Appendix II page 567 4th edition Alcoholics Anonymous

It is vital to change my attitudes, and that is what my God-consciousness does.

Love ya,
Kimberly

pat said...

"I read somewhere that addiction is a disease of the thinking. That our mind is trying to kill us."

This is perfect. I could not have said it better.

Enjoy your weekend.