Thursday, February 7, 2008

Gratitude

I've really been enjoying Scott's entries over at Attitude of Gratitude. He's been exploring the topic of hope in his last few entries.

When my mind is grinding away, my usual thought track is to think the worst possible outcome. In doing so, I find I get what I want, something dark to be fearful of. Pessimism is the opposite of hope. Despair is the antonym of hope. I would give hope the meaning of "a feeling the something good is turn out of the circumstances we find ourselves in."

Just a few weeks ago, our family was going through a difficult time because of the actions of our addiction child. I was very fearful, not feeling any hope. Our family rallied together, through the circumstances that we were in and support this young adult. Collectively pouring out love and hope into our child and sibling. Our child has been clean and sober for those few weeks. The addict lives with us again, seems to be taking responsibility for themselves and is seeking outside help and resources to help in the recovery. We have had some intimate conversations, both parent to child and sibling to sibling. I am proud to be a member of this family.

When my daughter lost her father-in-law a couple of weeks ago, again our family rallied together to offer love and support for her and her husband and his family.

I have not been allowing myself to feel hope. I had this belief that if I were to hope and my hopes did not materialize then I would be a failure and that event would also prove the non-existence of God. What malarkey. I have so much around me and refuse to see it because of my pessimistic attitude. I have been working hard at controlling the negativity. Replacing those thoughts with the opposite. Seeing the problem lying in God's hands. Twisting my thinking so that I can see possible positive outcomes. It's been hard work, but I am certainly praying more often during the day. I'm trying to see the best in the person before me. I'm trying to see the good in my circumstances, not the "Damn, I have to deal with something again". I don't do all this well, but it is getting a bit easier. I am not perfect, never will do my program of recovery perfectly, but that doesn't matter. I am trying to accept myself, with all my flaws. Not chastise myself relentlessly because I make mistakes.

At this moment I have everything I need. I can love others and others love me. I have a relationship with a higher power that gives me stability, courage, and hope. My God wants me to trust, grow, and love. Supports me, even when I struggle. Is infinitely patient. Wow.

At this moment, everyone in my family, is where God wants them to be. In a place where we can grow. Using the circumstances of life to help us change.

Thank you for letting me share.


"Our lives are what our thoughts make us". - Marcus Aurelius Antonius

3 comments:

pat said...

And through it all you remain hopeful even if you cannot see it yourself. You have been through a lot but have not given up. To me, that means you have hope. Now we need to just work on that fear.

Chirptweet said...

We've been struggling with this same thing this week! Given what our family has been through this winter, it's easy to loose hope. But I got a taste of it again this week. And a lot is because of you, and what you've been able to provide my family with these past couple of days! Thank you for helping rekindle my hope!

Pam said...

This was a lovely post. Thank you.