Friday, May 30, 2008

Admitted we were powerless.

As I reread my rant from the previous day, paying attention to the comments from Pat and Dave, I realize again the danger of trying to seek control. For me, trying to have power and control just ends up showing me that I have none of what I want. I am not a Higher Power. My magic wand has long since passed it's expiry date. I'm just a human being that's too busy trying to do what God is supposed to do.

"We know that little good can come to any alcoholic who joins A.A. unless he has first accepted his devastating weakness and all its consequences. Until he so humbles himself, his sobriety -- if any -- will be precarious. Of real happiness he will find none at all. Proved beyond doubt by an immense experience, this one of the facts of A.A. life. The principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered." Page 21 of the 12 and 12

This pertains to much more than just my drinking. It's true in all area's of my life. Accepting my weakness. Period.

I had a much better day yesterday. Work presented some nice problems to solve. Always my favourite kind of day. My daughter and grandson were over for supper. We had a wonderful visit. My grandson and I rough housing in the living room. He has so much energy.

Had a wonderful meeting at my home group. When my attitude contains humbleness and gratitude, a meeting is so very different than if I show up full of anger and pity. Someone giving a twenty year cake. The room was full of gratitude. So many good shares. I was asked to share on step one. How did the chair person know? I was privileged to be able to speak with a newcomer. I felt connected, alive. So different than the day before.

I've started picking up a bunch of guys at a recovery place to bring them to our Thursday night meeting each week. A van full of alcoholics and addicts. What a riot of conversation and emotion.

I am grateful this morning. For sobriety, for the lessons that life presents, for the love and care of others and that I can give out love and care as well. I am grateful that I only stewed in anger and self-pity for a day, not like the weeks it used to last. For a new expression (to me) I heard at the meeting last night: "I have a ring around my butt from sitting on the pity pot so long." That my Higher Power cares enough to allow difficulties in to the lives of my family members so that we can grow together in acceptance and faith. Thank you.


dAAve said...

The van ride sounds GREAT!
For them -- and you!

pat said...

You are an amazing person. I truly mean that.

Anonymous said...

What a difference 24 hours can make! You have really come a long way. I can remeber not too long ago you were hesitant about talking to a newcomer, now you are picking up a carload of men and taking them to a meeting. I think you found one of the answers. God removes our shortcomings in his time,always. Sounds like you are really getting sick of some of yours and ready to let them go. Good work! And great helped me too!