Saturday, May 31, 2008

Back to what's familure

I was doing it again yesterday. As Friday progressed, my problems at work were not being solved. I needed parts rushed in and the vendor forgot to ship them. My equipment was breaking down. I knew I was in trouble when I started to think that my crew was not pulling their weight. Before my tongue engaged, I walked away.

I really dislike the feeling of failure. The feeling of facilitating a successful solution is what I like best about work. All my plans were failing. (How much do you wanna bet that I still seek the approval of others?) The equipment I was trying to get running was going to have to stay down for another week while we regrouped and tried again. At about 3:00, my boss phones me and asks me if I had ordered in a piece of equipment from another mill. This piece of equipment was just what I would need to help our failing equipment. I was surprised but told him I had not. Didn't even think of doing that. He asked if I would know who would and I suggested he contact another part of the mill who were suffering from the same fate as me. I waited 30 minutes then went to see my boss. He told me I was right, the other part of the mill was bring it in. It would be here around 5:00. To make a long story short, the other part of the mill was not planning on using the equipment, so I hi-jacked it, brought in a crew at 7:00 p.m. and hooked it up. We should be up and running Sunday night.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the problem solved itself, the solution appeared. It was not from anything I had planned. I have such high expectations of myself. I thought I had lowered them in my two years of sobriety. I can still get caught up in perfectionism and when I fail, boy do I pout.

I did thank my crew for all their extra efforts. I have gratitude in that I did not chew them out when I felt so inclined. Those kind of wounds take a long time to heal. The old me would have jumped right in at took a strip off. Slowly, we change.

I'm praying that a sponsee will appear in my life. I thought I was close a few weeks ago, but he just disappeared. I think a lasso might work, next new comer I'll rope him!!! I understand I cannot cure people, but it will keep me out off my pity pot.

Tonight, I get to go back to the treatment centre I went to when I first got into recovery. It's only an hours drive away. I get to share my story and field questions. I'm nervous and excited.


Pam said...

Well a treatment center is an excellent place to find a sponsee. I go to 3 meetings a week at a treatment facility. There are 40-50 newcomers held hostage....ripe for the pickin'.

Anonymous said...

Be careful what you wish for! LOL.

indistinct said...

If I lived in the city where my treatment centre is, I would have lots of opportunity.

Something will come up. God's got a plan.