Thursday, June 12, 2008

extrication

While the purpose of making restitution to other is paramount, it is equally necessary that we extricate from an examination of our personal relations every bit of information about ourselves and our fundamental difficulties that we can. Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes, including our alcoholism, no field of investigation could yield more satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. Calm, thoughful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight. We can go far beyond those things which were superficially wrong with us, to see those flaws which were basic, flaws which sometimes were responsible for the whole pattern of our lives. Thoroughness, we have found, will pay -- and pay handsomely. Twelve and Twelve, page 80


Step eight was the topic of my meeting last night. It's a small group that meets at my sponsors house. One of my favourite meetings. (wait, they are all favourites) The after talk went to relationships. I feel so "at home" in an A.A. group. I can tell my tell of woe about last Sunday and they all smile and nod. Some of them dust of their T shirts to show me. My struggles with relationships are a common trait. Seems like in my neighbourhood, wedding bands are not a common sight at meetings. At the end of the evening, I feel encouraged to go on, to keep working the steps, to keep on trying. I get to be sober.

It is becoming glaringly obvious that I do like my life to be about me. Well, it is my life. Seems like there is much more that I could gleam from the Prayer of St. Francis. Part of it reads "Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted--to understand, than to be understood--to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds."

I'm excited, there is still so much of the journey in front of me. It is a grand adventure, this business of life.

It was Pam's 19th sobriety birthday yesterday. She is an amazing person, with so much love and humour to offer. Her journey into recovery is a blessing to read. Thank you, Pam, for sharing so much, enriching all of us in the process.

Daave suggested that I not forget rule 62 in a comment he made. I had no idea what he was talking about so I googled it. It's some rule about cell division. Something about trying to predict the colour of the next cell in a mathematical progression. Daave, I can usually predict how I'm going to behave, it's tinted with selfishness. I wonder why Daave takes me so seriously?

Thank you, all of you, for the warmth of your support. Without the fellowship of AA and other 12 step programs, I doubt that I would be sober today. Even enjoying life occasionally.

2 comments:

Bonnie said...

Rule 62 is "Don't take yourself too damn seriously."

Life is like cell division. Not that easy or clear to predict. Remember that "anything can happen" and it usually turns out all right.

BHM said...

came to your blog via Pammie.I like your honesty and growth as a person. You are truly willing to do the hard work. Kudos to you.