Saturday, June 14, 2008

gifts on our doorstep

The journey I have started along a path of suggestions from the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous goes far beyond what I had expected. I had hoped that I would stop drinking. Along with that, there was some thought about stopping all my extramarital adventuring on the Internet. I had an understanding that those two items where the parts of my life that were causing myself and those that loved me a lot of grief.

Doing the 12 steps, reading the book titled "Alcoholics Anonymous", spending time with my sponsor, doing service work (making coffee, setting up chairs, washing cups, picking up people for meetings, etc), sharing at meetings when asked, talking with newcomers, (still no sponsee, but that's in God's hands), talking with others, all of that is showing me who I am. As well, doing that work starts to change me. I've picked up tools from other places as well, from seeking help from a councillor to deal with all my fear, the course I did a few weeks ago at the Haven, spending time with my partner, sharing and being as open and honest as I can. Blogging and writing. None of this has been easy but it is life changing.

Having a relationship with a Higher Power (of my understanding) makes this all possible. Placing myself in God's hands, accepting everything that happens as part of my Higher Powers will. Accepting that it's the painful incidents in life that bring about change and growth.

Yesterday, I had a gentle revelation on how much I still slip into selfishness. I had talked with someone who was so much into themselves that it annoyed me. As I thought about it, I realized I was seeing me. Then the most wonderful thing happened. I received compassion. For the other person and for myself.

I am feeling heaps of gratitude this morning for the changes that have come my way since I placed myself into the Creators hands. In my Higher Power and in the voice of others, I have found the courage necessary to face my own fears. Change does come, simply, slowly, and subtly.

One day at a time.

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