Monday, July 28, 2008

We

This description out of the twelve and twelve stuck me last night.

We have not once sought to be one is a family, to be a friend among friends, to be a worker among workers, to be a useful member of society. Always we tried to struggle to the top of the heap, or to hide underneath it. The self-centred behaviour blocked a partnership relation with any one of those about us. Of true brotherhood we had small comprehension. pg 53, twelve steps and twelve traditions

When I went to a meeting while we were camping, one of the topics was "rejoining society". Not one person who spoke said they rejoined society well. That it was a struggle and and a part of our lives that created discomfort.

As we read that passage last night, it struck me of the times I wanted to be on the top of the heap, striving for recognition, trying to be better than anyone else, the more accolades the better. Other times wanting no one to notice me, becoming very quiet, hiding out in a room full of people, not helping, becoming the invisible man. All depending upon what I wanted. What mood I was in.

I am thankful for the program of AA. That my "it's all about me" becomes so apparent. That in the rooms I find lots of patient people, willing to let the steps do their work, willing to let my Higer Power have room in my life. I am grateful for the changes in my life and that it affects more than just me.

1 comment:

dirtydishes said...

I can relate. Felling like I am all that and a bag of chips, or a total piece of shit! searching for that happy medium. It's difficult to stop beating ourselves up after so many years, a lifetime, of doing just that. Then king alcohol made us superior above all others, until the next day. Thank God for this program that teaches me to love myself and others. Pam told me this program enables us to work our way UP to servant. I like that perspective. have a greeat day! Thanks for being here.