Monday, August 25, 2008

Anger


Page 66 from the Big Book includes this paragraph:

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.


I know that anger is right up there with fear and self-pity. I've done so much work around resentments. But I still get angry, frustrated, plain ol' pissed off. And what do I do with it? I stuff it. I shut down. I quit talking. Nothing hurts my family more than being angry. Those closest to me can tell instantly when I'm closing down, when I'm angry.

I've heard it said that anger turned inwards results in depression. So stuffing isn't the answer. Expressing my anger always results in more anger. Everyone seems to become angry.

It's not like we can control our anger. It come up at the most awkward times. It seems like I'm powerless over it. As a child, I was never allowed to be angry, it was alway met with my fathers anger. Stuff it, get back in.

I don't want to leave the impression that I am an angry man because I am not. But I do become angry. My anger is the biggest source of friction in our home. I can hide the fact, to most people, that I am angry.

So, blogger friends, how do you deal with your own anger? If stuffing it is bad, and expressing it is bad, what the heck do we do with it?

Photo Credit: Hadjek

5 comments:

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I'm very uncomfortable with anger, because my father's anger was so scary to me. So, it's huge for me just to accept that I'm angry. So, my goal is to first accept it, then turn it over to my Higher Power. I still mostly stuff it until I explode, but I'm getting better. ;)

Heather said...

Honestly? If it gets to the implosion stage, I get the empty plastic water bottle (think office water dispenser) and I literally beat the hell out of the canoe that's stored in my garage. *EG* Have I mentioned that my neighbors think that I'm nuts? ;0)

AlkySeltzer said...

1. TALK about it (anger)
2. With your sponsor
3. With your doctor--maybe?
4. Stay out of jail, if possible.
5. Don't drink
6. Go to meetings
7. Remember: Resentment is the NUMBER ONE OFFENDER! And that's a quote!
8. Anger is one of the Seven Deadly Sins, ask God's help, in other words, "When all else fails...PRAY!"
9. Even though it might have helped to pray FIRST!

Patty said...

I have to express it. Most of my anger is fear based, and then I am afraid of expressing my anger. What a viscious cycle! MC said something to me one time, just because we are alcoholic does not mean we are always wrong. Try writting it down. Do not edit or judge yourself. It is for your eyes only. Use every swear word you have ever heard in your life if you need to! I like to write it out real big on a legal pad. I also do a lot of underlining.Gets my point across better(LOL). About a month before I had that phone conversation with my Mom, I had written a letter, knowing it would not be mailed of course, it was for me. It was brutal!!!! I read it to my counselor and my sponsor. It felt good to be validated. When we had our actual conversation, I ended up saying everything that was in that letter in a calm and kind and loving way, minus all the cuss words. Writting that letter let me release the anger(most of it) and then focus on the facts. Hope this helped a little.

Shadow said...

anger... good question. express it i have to, keeping it in is no longer an option for reasons you've mentioned plus i end up with huge bunches of resentment and then the vicious circle starts. i'm not good with communicating. i either go blank or angry and defensive. so now when i get angry, i turn away from the situation, think and talk it through in my head, even write about it, even get an outside opinion at times, and only then i talk to person involved. usually that intense emotion of the moment has passed and i'm more able to express myself without the overwhelming anger taking control and affecting the issue. but it's hard. and needs constant work. good luck!