Thursday, August 28, 2008

God's way

I've been praying that my Higher Power would introduce me to a sponsee. In God's time, in God's way. For my part, I've been introducing myself to newcomers, taking time to talk with them before and after the meetings, hoping that they would be willing to comeback to another meeting. Sometimes, I was introduced to new folk.

A few weeks ago, I went through a couple of weeks where I was all plugged up emotionally. I felt I didn't belong to AA. I would come just before the meetings start, leave as soon as they were over, I started accusing myself that I didn't belong. Those meetings sucked. I blamed everyone else. Glad thats over. This kinda started when I had tried to help someone sober up and found out that I was powerless. That becoming a sponsor doesn't mean I get to magically change peoples lives. I felt a failure, something I had often felt in the many years before AA. I had made it about me. And when my life becomes about me, it gets kinda messy.

I was reminded of this a couple of days a go when I was reading step 3 out of the big book. God is described as Father, Director, Principal, new Employer. (page 62 & 63) I have always struggled with people who had some authority over me and all those descriptions describe authority. I remind myself of my Higher Power who is loving, compassionate, caring and patient. Who wants the best for us. Who would help me past my fears into an emotionally sober life. Who would help me grow.

So what I wanted to say, was that now there are two sponsee's in my life today. I want to stay on track with God and let God be God. Gonna keep that magic want in my pocket. I'm just going to share my experience with them and not own them. I'm gonna try. God's way, not my way.

We have so much where I live. There are meetings twice a day, every day. Some days, even more. A meeting list looks like a menu, so much to choose from. I was reading over at Letting Go, about how other parts of the world are and was reminded of what we have in our corner of the world.

I am sober and clean today. Through the grace of my higher power, my life has changed. One day at a time.

Photo Credit: Island Artist


AlkySeltzer said...

What WISDOM! Love to read that kind of stuff. Thank you, "Distinct"!

Shadow said...

yeah, going upstream's not the way. took me soooo long to figure out. thanks!