Sunday, August 31, 2008


Went to another town last night, taking a friend with me. We met up with another guy whom I had met at treatment and went out for dinner. Lots of recovery talk, then we picked up yet another guy and went to a meeting. This meeting was just full of young people. Lots of people new to recovery, a nearby rehab centre feeding lots of folk to this meeting.

It was a great meeting. Each share seemed rich with experience and hope. I came away with a renewed sense of importance on the need to surrender, to turn my will and life over to the care of God.

One person who was asked to share said that she was a co-dependent and asked if it was still okay for her to share. She was given permission by the chair and she went to the podium and spoke of why she was as that meeting, she was hoping to see her son. She wanted to hear our stories so that she could have hope for her son. How scared she was. Her words brought tears to my eyes. How many parents, siblings, loved ones, feel that deep dark fear within themselves as a result of someone else's addiction.? Seeing that room so full of young people seemed to bring to mind the enormity of the problem of addiction.

The nearby treatment centre charges 300 dollars a day. There is room for about 90 patients. Average treatment period is 7 to 8 weeks. There is a large waiting list to get in. There are centres like that everywhere, all over North America, around the world, each with a waiting list.

I can get overwhelmed by the enormity of the problem. I focus myself, on the small community I am involved with, the groups I attend, the people that God puts in my way to love. Much simpler.

My addicted child is in the hands of the Potter. God is at work. I pray that I can stay out of the way. My crystal ball is not working. Must be unplugged. Faith and trust are all the tools that my Higher Power has left me with. I best use them.

I read an old Zen saying the other day. "Whatever you resist, persists."

Letting go and letting God.
One day at a time.

(Those simple AA slogans seem to mean so much to me now.)

I am grateful that my Higher Power is at work. That I am in the sidelines.
For people who live far away and don't know me opray for my child.
That tears come so easy these days.

Photo Credit: Steven Fernandez


Texaco said...

Wow, I miss being at the treatment center I went to.

We went to outside meetings, too, which was great. Your post reminded me though of family week. Until I sat down with my stepmother and heard how much they all hurt whenever they didn't know where I was, when holidays would pass and they wouldn't know how to reach me or if I was OK, I didn't really get it that my addiction hurt other people.

I was that selfish.

AlkySeltzer said...

I remember that for several YEARS I thought of those slogans as so much BS, REALLY. Then I centered myself on one of them: "EASY DOES IT" seemed a natural, for me! 34 sober years later, that slogan STILL adorns the tailgate on my truck. NOTE: My truck is not 34 years old...nor sober, I guess, all those fumes -g-
Steve E.

Shadow said...

the statistics are scary!!! when i went into rehab they recited that the fastest growing 'group' (at that time) were women aged 30-45, employed, good income, married, most of them mothers... who knew.

Laura said...

Your child, my child, so very many that we love. Pray without ceasing, His word says.

Don't give up hope, ever. God waits so patiently for each of us to come to Him...


Anonymous said...

You've made it to and through day and one tiny step at a time. I've made it to and through sobriety in the same way. God has such grand plans for each of our lives. Never give up hope that the Creator will bring your child to His heart in the same way He did all of us: In His good time. I will pray for you and your family with complete faith that God has perfect timing.

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings on so many painful topics in such a frank and courageous manner. You have no idea how much it means to read like minded thoughts, hurts and hopes. The old girl is tired as of late and just when I think that I'm falling again, I find someone like you who reminds me of how glorious this adventure is if only I choose to acknowledge it. :0)