Monday, August 18, 2008

trust


What a difference to be free of emotional constipation.

I could spend the day in the company of human beings. I could be open, willing to share a little, not feeling angry. The wall of resentment I was building between my Higher Power and me coming down. It was like my ears became unstopped, I could hear. I could listen. People made sense.

Most Sunday mornings, I attend church with my partner. Not that I would classify myself as a Christian. The pastor guy's message seems to dovetail nicely in my journey of sobriety. Yesterday, he spoke of the process of change. How God changes us, what tools are available to help us change. Character building tools. No magic wand stuff. Practical stuff.

We spent the afternoon by the sea. It was hot and muggy and the water was warm. It was fun to swim deep into the ice water and then slowly float up to the warm surface.

Went to a meeting where the topic was step 7. "Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings." We had read the essay from the Twelve and Twelve. I could hear so much about humbleness. It wasn't that long ago that I wrote about this. How quickly I forget.

Someone else read the paragraph out the the big book on Step 7:

When ready, we say something like this: "My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen." We have then completed Step Seven Big Book, pager 76


Where do I struggle. In my thinking that I need to be squeaky clean before God. I don't want to hand over the bad. I want to fix it myself. The above pray speaks very differently. The Creator does the removing and gets to decide when, what and how. My wishes are out of the picture. Another chance to practise acceptance.

I am thankful that I and sober and clean this day. That I am in God's hands, that I am not in control. For family and community. The power of we.

Photo credit : Vernhart

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