Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Hi, I'm Hank, I'm an alcoholic

I was privileged to hear a few wonderful stories last night. The meeting I went to always has the same topic. What it was like, what happened, and what is it like now. For what ever reason, some were sharing on how they came to like (or even love) themselves. How working the steps has changed them. It was, for me, an emotional meeting, full of gratitude.

Another part of my life is still fearful. The part around my addicted child. The child (who is really a young adult) whom we are forcing to meetings as a condition of living in our home. This child who could really use some emotional sobriety. I've been wondering why my fear has gotten stronger over the past couple of days but now realize that our focus has been on the wedding the past week or more. Now that it's all over, I have more time to think, and that's where the trouble starts. So I need to just keep talking and sharing.

I wish that I could give this child an injection of AA. Fix 'em up good. But that's magic wand stuff. I've just started reading the transcript of "The Power of Myth" by Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers. What has struck me so far is the importance of pain in our lives. How conflict and discomfort changes us. It caused me to reflect on the past few years and how important was the emotional pain I experienced. Without that I would still be numbing myself. My Higher Power broke through the numbness provided by alcohol and porn to pinch me, pinch me hard. Ever since then, pain has been providing me with the reasons I need for change. When my character defects cause enough pain for me and others, I finally become willing to turn them over to God and let the change slowly happen.

My child needs to have the same experiences. I need to just stay out of the way and let them happen. Someone shared last night that when we are in time of emotional or physical disturbances, we are experiencing an opportunity for growth. Hurrah for change.

A few people are suggesting that the name "indistinct" doesn't fit. So I'm going to try "Hank".

I am grateful that I am not God. I am grateful that God is. I am grateful that I am learning to trust in my Higher Power, albiet slowly.

Photo Credit: Doozzle


Shadow said...

what's meant to happen will. i pray your child will 'get' it.

AlkySeltzer said...

Hank, I don't think I ever suggested that 'indistinct' doesn't fit--bur it DOESN'T! Except for my calling you 'distinct', I don't remember the subject being raised. Well, maybe it was just inched up a bit?! But I'll sure settle for HANK.

I wish I had signed up here as "Steve E.", because I actually FORGET what mu 'monitor name' really IS...that's the one thing I didn't understand when creating this blog.

Whatever you call yourself, I LIKE what you say, your honesty, and your sobriety! Thanks.
Steve E. (See?)

Anonymous said...


Pam said...

Well..hmmmm Indistinct - Hank.
Well of course they sound so similar. LOL

Laura said...

Hi Hank! I haven't dealt with the side of AA/NA but am on the side of the parent...and it's a very painful place to be. BUT our God is a BIG GOD and cares more than we can imagine. He is, however, a gentleman God too who will wait patiently for your young one to ask for His intervention and help. So to that end....I pray.

For us, the parents, trust beyond understanding is crucial but so difficult. I know for me, with meetings and friends support, it is finally becoming easier to Let God...Be God.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Oh, I like Hank! It definitely fits. I don't think I ever said that indistinct didn't, but it never seemed to to me.

Sophie in the Moonlight said...

I will freely and happily admit to being one of those who raised her hand and said, "YOU MY FRIEND ARE NOT INDISTINCT!!!!""

So, HANK, it's lovely to meet you and to see you stand up for yourself as yourself.

Me? I'm going to keep hiding behind my pseudonym.
I'm like Batman that way ;)