Thursday, September 25, 2008

mission accomplished


So I went to see my boss before 8:00 a.m. but he was busy and at 8:30 and at 8:45 and then he disappeared to meetings. I was taking this as a sign that perhaps I did not owe an amend. I did another cruise past his office at noon and there he was, in his office, alone. Whew. I jumped in, closed his door and apologized for becoming angry in a public meeting. I didn't apologize for what I said, but for how I said it. There is more than enough stress in our plant without me having to add to it. I would not trade him jobs. He accepted it, graciously. It went much better than I thought, I felt like a load had been taken off me.

Patty commented on my previous post, the difference between saying "I'm sorry" and an amend. I have a bit of history, at work and other places, of trying to use anger to get what I want. This came out very clearly during my 4th and 5th step work. Like my other character defects I seem to be powerless over it. This defect causes others a lot of pain. There is no reason for me to become angry at work. There are lots of reasonable ways to let my supervisor know that I disagree with the plan. Lots of times, there is nothing he can do. Head office isn't concerned with my thoughts, they live in a different world. When I took a job as a supervisor, I also agreed to become a representative of the company. I get to give bad news. I can't take it personally. I don't make the decision to lay people off, I just get to tell them. Then I get to listen to them as they vent. I am powerless over this whole process. Me getting angry doesn't stop anything. Just hurts myself and others. No point in that. God's will is very different from that.

So, yes, it is an amend. I don't want to behave that way. I don't want to use anger as a tool. I understand my Higher Power to be compassionate, patient, and loving. His will, for me, is to love the person in front of me. God's way, not mine.

Photo Credit: Darkmatter

5 comments:

Shadow said...

well done to you. especially for 'the way', not 'the what'.

AlkySeltzer said...

Hey, H., nice to greet you today, after your "amend" thing. Congratulations on feeling better--that's what is supposed to happen as a result of an amend.

This is the kicker, though. Step SIX, become ready to have God remove things like 'Anger', and 'Anger', and 'Anger'...then Step Seven, to HUMBLY ask God to do it to rid me of Anger (it will be in His time, not mine, damn it!) This is how I was taught to use the steps...with the help of my SPONSOR, of course!
--amend-a-roni

Lou said...

I liked this post a lot.

PRAYER GIRL said...

Hallelujah!
Amends always bring me such relief.
Sounds like this one went well.
Good for you.
Life is good.

Laura said...

You're awesome...and teaching me much.