Friday, September 12, 2008

Not me


We were talking about step seven at the meeting after the meeting last night. Mostly focusing on the word "Humbly".

It seemed to come across with increased clarity this whole matter of asking my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings. I was thinking back to the days when I was deep in my addictions, praying for God to change me, make me into something I wasn't so I could get out of the self-destruction. The more I prayed, the more I despaired. I finally just gave up on God.

Looking back from today, I see how all those prayers were answered. How much my life has changed since then. Wow.

I realize today that the word humbly implies no expectations on how things are going to work out. God's way, God's time, God's place. Slowly, simply, and subtly. Time takes time. Humbly implies acceptance. I am who I am, just as I am. Humbly implies that I'm going to stay out of the way. Humbly implies that I am going to trust my Higher Power. Humbly implies that it's not about me. Letting go and letting God.

As I think back over my first two years of AA, I realized just how hard I was looking for the perfect member. Someone who has achieved a solid emotional sobriety. Someone above their feelings of fear and self-pity. I was looking for such because I was looking for proof. That I would have solid evidence about steps 6 and 7. Never did find such. I found folk that I use as examples. People involved with service, willing to reach out to others, willing to let others reach out to them. Willing to love others. They are far from perfect but they are so willing to help. They've helped me. You've all helped.

Today I feel scared about tomorrows wedding, but I always feel scared when facing something outside my daily routine. It is going to be an interesting time, a challenging time, and a wonderful time. Plus there's going to be lots of dancing at the reception. I'm ready, I've lots of numbers in my cell phone.

I have some fears for our fellow bloggers in Houston. I pray that God holds them close.

I am grateful that the obsession to drink and to porn has been lifted. That God did for me what I could not do. How great is that?

Photo Credit: Dilip Muralidaran

5 comments:

PRAYER GIRL said...

How great is that?

It's fabulous. Thank you God for relieving my blog friend, indistinct, from his obsessions/addictions.
And thank you God for relieving me from mine. Miracles happen!

I absolutely loved this post. Loved what you had to say about humility.

I have also been praying for our Texas friends all day and that will continue.

AlkySeltzer said...

Lifting of obsessions IS pretty great! Let's pray God might lift some of the anxieties from those frightened souls in Eastern Texas, especially 'our' people and their families.

Patty said...

Have yourself a great time today. keep the phone handy and maybe give someone a call even if you don't think you need to. Call someone and ask how THEY are doing. Works like a charm. I am going to hubby's 30 year HS reunion tonight. think I shall take my own advice!

Heather said...

It's more than great! I hope you had a good time at the wedding.

Laura said...

It's so great, there isn't another word to describe it better than your feeling humbled and being in service. What a testimony to what God will do when we get out of the way and ask Him to take the lead.

So Awesome! Congratulations on your daughters wedding and I trust all went exceedingly well!