Tuesday, September 9, 2008

peacefulness

For some reason, as I was reading other blogs this morning, everyones writing seemed so wise, offering so much strength and hope. I want to echo with Steve the thankfulness I feel. Then I read One Prayer Girls entry "12 Step"

I am only a human. That spoke loudly to me. I've always wanted to be something more. I could never relax. Never be comfortable with just who I am. I just never fit right. Pushing and shoving and crying and demanding and etc. My thoughts were always full of me (well, they still are, but there is a bit of room for others now.)

I am only a human. I am not the Master of the Universe. Omnipotent wonder. Able to fix all. Hero with an extra capital H.

Just me. Nothing extra. I'm still full of feelings, mostly of the uncomfortable variety. Yesterday, my head was spinning with idea's on how to help my addicted child. I would push them away, and they would return. When I came home, I became just human. I didn't share any of these ideas. I didn't have to fix the addict. I don't have to fix. My Higher Power is in the fixing business. The Mysterious Ways is at work. My part is trusting.

Many of you wrote kind comments on my blog entry from yesterday. I have such a hard time accepting them. I only wrote what I was thinking as I witnessed the sunrise. But underneath all that wanting to push your words away is gratitude. Gratitude for the connectedness I feel with you. Gratitude that I am no longer alone. Thankfulness.

4 comments:

Mary Christine said...

Peacefulness, Thankfulness... goodness.

PRAYER GIRL said...

I thank God every single time any of us are able to recognize that we are just human and that it is "enough" - in fact it is how God created us. (I keep forgetting that I'm not "Superwoman")

It has taken me a long time to get to a place where I am accepting of myself and just about the time I become comfortable in my acceptance, some (usually harsh) self-judgment or self-criticism rears it's ugly head again. Then I am sent flying back to my higher power and my fellow recovering friends to learn a little more about being a child of God.

AlkySeltzer said...

I have to be reminded ever and again that I cannot do any 'fixing'.

'Talking' and 'Writing' do not always betray who we really ARE. However, though I may lie once, or a few times, and fool you...over a long period, truth comes out.

And I keep learning...and growing, and living, and loving it all!

Shadow said...

feelings, hmmm, what to do with them. nothing actually, besides feel them. you'll be prompted to 'fix' whatever needs fixing or 'do' whatever needs doing when you're ready. give yourself time. hang in there!