Saturday, September 27, 2008

ring, ring

At my home group, Thursday night, a man came up to me and asked for help. He's been struggling, relapsing, etc.  He told me he's been in the program for years and years and had never worked the steps and would I help me. My first thoughts were:
  • I don't have time
  • I am a bit afraid of this man
  • I am going to fail
Then I realized how much of a privilidge it is to be asked by this man. I told him yes, I would like to stay sober with him. Gave him my phone numbers, asked him to do something for me, and he told me he would get in touch. 

Friday, at work, the mood in the plant was dark. By going home time, I was full of self-pity and a bit angry, wishing my situation was different. I find it really hard not to buy into the prevailing mood at work, to try to detach from what goes on there. 

So I got home, where the first question asked is "How was work." Which is the last thing I wanted to talk about. I forced myself to relate how the day went but felt my mood darkening as I spoke. I knew where I was going and seemed powerless to stop it. Self-pity can seem like a whirl pool, powerfully sucking me down to places I don't want to go to. I could see my whole weekend ruined by me pissing and moaning.

Then the phone rang.

It was this guy I had talked to at the meeting. He had a few questions, wanted to talk of his day. We talked for about 15 minutes. He seemed to be very open to the concept that he would have to work for his recovery. That he was willing to do the work.

After we hung up, my partner walked into the room and asked me how I was feeling now. I was amazed at the emotional change. I felt charged. Full of purpose. Unexplainably closer to my Higher Power. Felt useful. The exact opposite of what I was feeling when I came home from work. 

Working with others - the service leg of the triangle. Helping others helps me, much more than I would ever have believed. 

Thanks for letting me share. Thanks for all your blog entries. I felt like I was at a great meeting this morning.

Photo Credit: Midnight-Digital



It is just too amazing how working with another alcoholic is almost guaranteed to get us out of ourselves.
Who would have thought?
But it is true and thank God for it.

Anonymous said...

Very cool.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

"I don't have time, I am a bit afraid of this man, I am going to fail"

Those initial feelings resonate with me so much, and they are often my go to in situations where I'm asked to help. It's spectacular to me that you not only recognized them but stretched beyond them.

dAAve said...

I cannot understand how so many people refuse to accept these facts. The Big Book states very clearly what the requirements are.

Rarely have we seen a person fail ...

Cat said...

Good for you for recognizing your fear and continuing on anyhow - it took courage for that guy to ask for help and courage for you to accept his request - AA is amazing and so are the people that actively work those steps! Cat

AlkySeltzer said...

I wonder if he will need rides?
I wonder if he'll ask for money?
Maybe he wants to meet for lunch?
I'll bet he's looking for a place to stay!

And on-and-on I can run with my fleeting thoughts, but usually (always?) blurt out "Yeah, of course, I'll be happy to sponsor you, let's go get an ice cream (I DO know where to do that! -grin-)