Monday, October 6, 2008

attributes


Last night I attended a Taizé prayer service. It consisted of short songs, mostly in english, a few in Latin, that were supposed to be sung meditatively. At one point, a Psalm was read and we were given five minutes for silent reflection and at another point, some silence for pray. It was a peaceful service.

When I came into recovery, one of the ways I saw my new life was that I am standing on an exposed bluff in the middle of fall storm. The wind was blowing hard, the rain ice cold, cutting into me like knives. Recovery allowed me to stay in the storm of life. Not to raise an alcoholic shield around me. As I thought about this last night, I thought about the ground that I was standing on. The ground that gave me stability while I faced the storms. The ground that never shifted, gave me lots of traction, that quickly shed the rain. I realized that I do not face life alone for the wind would have quickly blown me off that bluff.

I can accept now that God is not an insurance policy against troubles. The night I placed myself in God's hands was a moment of surrender. A turning of my will. Accepting come what may. Since that night my life as changed. I often want to resort to old beliefs, that God would make it all better, but I know where that has brought me in the past.

I had abandoned God in my drinking. I have came face to face with God again, in the twelve steps of AA. It is different this time. God's terms, not mine. That is a paradox, because I am allowed the God of my understanding. My understanding is that God is loving, kind, compasionate, patient and caring. My Higher Power is also the director of my life. God's direction usually means loving the person right in front of me. The direction is about helping others. About taking those attributes I understand my Higher Power to have and use them when I am with others.

I am so far from doing this well but I am on my way. I am on a journey towards all of this.

Thanks for letting me share.
Thanks for helping me to stay sober and clean.

Photo Credit: fgb3358

6 comments:

Patty said...

That service sounds really peaceful. sounds like you used it to your advantage too.

AlkySeltzer said...

January 2008 I attended a taize Prayer service...and it was very impressive, such profound calmness came over me during that.

I got to do a reading. Also, I played violin obbligato for several of the hymns It was more than ptayer, it was even FUN!

That evening I changed a bit more into who I want to be. Thank you Jamie, and Cindy, and Father Dennis for getting me there.

Laura said...

What a great painting you presented of your life, through your words.

An applicable way for all of us to understand our part in God's hands.

Thank you.

Shadow said...

what a beautifully written post. thank you too for letting me share and helping me stay sober.

Kathy Lynne said...

Wow! Everything I was feeling last night is exactly how you describe it. Thanks..which I could be as articulate...

TraceyBaby said...

I used to pray about my food issues often. But still struggled. I wasn't really familiar with OA. Didn't work the steps, etc. Then I thought, I am like an alcoholic. I felt following an AA type of program was my only hope. Here I had gone through chemo for colon cancer and was eating worse than ever before.

Working the steps has improved the quality of my life tremendously. 40 pounds lighter, holding for now, and hopefully losing again soon.