Tuesday, October 28, 2008

change


When I was at what I consider to be my bottom, I used to play Robert Plant singing "Darkness Darkness" over and over again. All I wanted at that time was nothingness. Over the past weekend I had plunked in an Ann Wilson cd and there was that song again. Here are some of the lyrics from Ann Wilsons version:

Darkness, darkness,
Long and lonesome,
Ease the day that brings me pain.
I have felt the edge of sadness,
I have known the depth of fear.
Darkness, darkness, be my blanket,
Cover me with the endless night,
Take away, take away the pain of knowing,
Fill the emptiness of right now,
Emptiness of right now, now, now
Emptiness of right now.

I was reminded about how much my life has changed. How much more hope there is today than there was three years ago. How that emptiness is gone. That deep dark screaming loneliness. How I can live in the moment today, with the beauty of fall colours before me, with the painfulness of watching some that I love struggle with their own lives. I have a sense of purpose today. I have a connection with a Creator who is forming my life with gentle hands. I can sit in a room with others and be there with my mind. I have been given so much and I get to give it to others.

From page 27 of the big book:

"Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."


So cool.

Photo Credit: Hank

4 comments:

Shadow said...

i can feel the words of that song. i'm glad to hear your darkness is lifting!

JubilantOne said...

Gotta love all the gifts sobriety gives us.

I like to say that putting the plug in the jug didn't solve all my problems, but putting the plug in the jug allows me to work on my problems.

Hugs - JO

Lou said...

I couldn't find the comments on your newest post. I read back anyway, trying to catch up. I don't know you of course, but it comes across to me that you are very hard on yourself. Maybe from the relationship with your father, maybe you tend to perfectionism. From what I read you have come a long way, and it was not easy. I'm glad you can find the beauty & joy of everyday life (most days).

TraceyBaby said...

The Big Book is great. I've only read the first four chapters but I'd really like to read the rest. I can relate to so much of it with the food issue. And it helps give me compassion for my son and others.