Tuesday, October 14, 2008

To life


Last January, when my partner and I agreed to let our addicted child move back into our house, we had discussed the probability of relapse. We knew that the chances were high that it would happen and accepted that we had no idea where this journey would take us. We had accepted the idea that the child's journey could take this loved one into much darker places before recovery would happen. We decided to trust God, no matter what happens.

I remember when I first went to alanon, over three years ago. I think it was my second 12 step meeting ever, and a woman was sharing of her struggles, of how her child had died in addiction. I remember feeling stung, betrayed, wondering why I was at that meeting if I could not get the results I wanted.

That same summer, right after our child's first suicide attempt, I went, with my wife, to a prayer meeting at her church and was promptly told that "God doesn't make deals" People prayed with us, in fact, people all over the world prayed with us. That was comforting to know so many people cared but very disconcerting that what I wanted would probably not happen.

Over at a Dozen Steps, Mark wrote "God is not a puppeteer". He reminded me of some lessons I had learned but seem to be forgetting. When I got sobriety, I got life. I get to live life one day at a time. I get to go through life, not just skip across the surface. I get all the pain that life has to offer, I get all the joy that life has to offer. There is no remote to allow me to fast forward through the rough spots. No magic wand, no fairy dust, no potent prayer. Life. To be lived under it's terms, not mine.

I have made a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power. I make this decision every morning. I think that for the last few weeks, it's just been words in the morning. Then I get to spend the rest of the time lamenting over my plight. Time for that to end.

I have a sponsee coming over for supper tonight. Afterwards, we are going to look at step 2, then to a meeting. I hope he can see that he just needs to be willing to believe that a power greater than himself can restore him to sanity. He doesn't need a whole theology on how we are to understand our Higher Power. I hope I get it too!

So, here's to life, and all it brings our way. Here's to friends, both blogger and in my real world, that support us along that way. Here's to my higher power, who just keeps presenting opportunities for service.

Sometimes, life hurts alot, but I don't face it alone. For that, I have so much gratitude.

Photo Credit: Molas

13 comments:

Cat said...

My husband spoke to me last night in hushed tones before I fell asleep of how grateful he was to have found his higher power - I said that he sounded corny, but then I said I was just jelous that I had not found what he had yet and I was a bit envious of him, being the alcholic alreayd finding something to help him along the way and myself being the codie still stalled.

I am glad you found your higherpower and that you trust in the program and your HP.

Cat

~Tyra~ said...

Yes, thank God we are not alone.

I remember when I had the light bulb moment of just being willing, that's all I needed to be. Awesome.

Kori said...

I think for me that learning that life can suck and yet be beautiful at the same time has continued to be one of the greatest gifts of recvoery. This is a great post.

Laura said...

What a clear and powerful testimony to what works. God, through us, us trusting God....

It's all good even when it's tough.

Awesome post!

Lou said...

You said it all. And very well.

AlkySeltzer said...

Yep, some things we just need to "Let go and let God". In the end, He does a pretty good job.

Shadow said...

you sound at peace. i'm glad. and here's to life, as you said...

Mark W. said...

:)

I appreciate the reference, thanks.

Time takes time... it's all good - at the end...

I understand about a child. That truly hurts yet sobriety transcends even that.

Amazing gift.

Patty said...

Thanks I needed to hear this today.

Mala50 said...

God bless the child.

My heart goes out to you and family.

M

LarryG said...

that's the kind of positivity that changes my insides, and the things that are up to the higher power i yield.
thanks for sharing the beauty of every day living.

PRAYER GIRL said...

Beautiful post.

I loved the way you expressed your thoughts.

I could really identify.

-eve- said...

Wonderfully said. I like that part about not being able to skim life; to face it bravely, one day at a time; to not chicken out on life. You speak words of wisdom.