Thursday, December 18, 2008

If He were sought

A friend needed to go to a meeting on Monday night and since there wasn't any happening in our town. we checked and found one in the second town north of us.

Someone took the responsibility to make the coffee, set up the chairs, turn up the heat, so a bunch of us could fill up the room for an hour. So we could talk about Step 12, Tradition 7, and responsibility. For some reason that meeting still echo's through my head.

I'm beginning to feel a lot of gratitude around service work. Simple things like arriving early to set up the room. Staying late to wash the cups and put away the chairs. The time it had snowed and I had to shovel the walkway, angry because of that, 'cause no one was going to show up. Then feeling so good because someone showed up for their very first meeting.

That work helped me get past my fear of working with others. In the first year of recovery, I did not believe I would ever sponsor someone, never help someone work the steps one on one. The fear was great. Somehow, that changed. Working through that fearfulness was a lot of work but change did come. All from simple service, getting self-esteem from doing estimable things. They build up on each other, stepping stones of growth.

I found Mary's blog entry, A Gradual Education, inspiring. How does the change come over us? Where do we get the spiritual experience required to stay sober, to get on that journey where we learn to become a human being? For me, that change came slowly. Can not give you a precise date nor do I believe I am anywhere near the end. I still have lots of service to do.

At Monday's meeting, when someone was reading the first paragraphs of Chapter 5 from the big book, the following bits seemed to ring out at me:

Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!

We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

God as we understood Him.

The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines.

(c) That God could and would if He were sought.

I didn't change me. I came and I listened. I followed your advice which was so contrary to my own thinking. I slowly, simply, and subtly changed. I found a Power greater than myself. I placed myself in His hands. I discover that life is painful and I still listened and wanted to follow those simple suggestions. Still sober today. Still grateful.


Indigo said...

I remember those first meetings being a little hard for me...the concept of a higher power deluded me for a bit. I didn't want it to be the God of Christianity (I do believe in Creator, the Native American concept) mother had left a bitter taste of that for me...

Having said that, I soon grasped the meaning as anything that gave you hope, a way to view life differently. My higher power became "me", a vision of me sober, whole, complete without the alcohol. I was able to view life far differently after that.

As for setting up meetings. The part of me that couldn't allow anyone to do something without help, started staying later, cleaning out the coffee pots, putting out the trash...Although I didn't have much time behind me, found a few new comers approaching me to talk. I could only give them what I had learned and point them toward someone, a possible sponser to help them out. Those moments made me glad I had stayed behind. I often wondered if the person would of come back without that small stretch of questions being answered.

I barely made it past my first sober year before I went deaf. Meeting became difficult, I didn't want to share when I couldn't hear the others to support them. That year however stays with me. I know enough to open the book and read, to keep myself on a daily routine of sobriety. It must of worked I'm approaching my 5th year of sobriety. I do however miss the beauty of the small servitude of setting up a meeting. (Hugs)Indigo

Shadow said...

an inspiring post. thanx!

Anonymous said...

That was awesome. By the way, if I remember correctly, you prayed for those sponsee's. Looks like they came when the time was right. You sound great!