Tuesday, January 6, 2009

who would have thought?


The young man I had written about in my previous post called me back yesterday. Informed that he had taken lots of time to go through Step 3, doing what I had asked him to do, studying each paragraph, rewriting the step 3 pray into words that he could understand and then praying his prayer to his Higher Power. He then told me he reviewed the first three steps, wanting to make sure he was ready to move on, to stay sober.

We are getting together tonight to start on his step 4, a step four right out of the big book, resentment list, fear list, sex list. Just like I was taught.

What was my part in all of this you ask? I get to let go and let God. One of the important parts I pray as I pray for others is that I stay out of my Higher Power's way. That I drop my expectations and let myself realize that I am not responsible for the out come.

All I have to offer is my experience, what happened to me when I started working the steps and started doing the work.

I am gaining more and more respect for service work. Gratitude for finding the courage to work with others, even while I feel fearful. How working with others changes me, shows me my own character defects. How through loving others, we love ourselves.

I'm grateful that this kid is still with us, wanting to move forward. I am also grateful for the experience I had when he told me he didn't want to go on. Feeling my fears and sense of failure. The mirror that was held up to me revealed my need to be God, that I still wanted to control everything. How much pain having that need gives me.

As I think about what I just wrote, I realized (again) that when things don't go the way I believe they should, then I want to push God out of the way and take over. To make things right so that my sense of justice and fairness is upheld. While it was a much stronger defect in the past, it still lingers in my life.

I am also grateful that this journey I am on will take the rest of my life. Still got lots of growing to do.

Thanks for letting me share.


Photo Credit: Darwin Bell

8 comments:

Shadow said...

sponsoring can't be easy, but rewarding it is without a doubt by the sounds of it. plus doing it again with another, it gives the giver time to reflect and do it again.

steveroni said...

"As I think about what I just wrote, I realized (again) that when things don't go the way I believe they should, then I want to push God out of the way and take over. ............While it was a much stronger defect in the past, it still lingers in my life."

Yep, that's ME! And Henk, we are not alone in this regard.
Thank you.
Steve

Annette said...

Oh my gosh....how cool is ALL of that?! Thanks for the update. The thing I love about this program is that there is no one person who has arrived and we all look to them for answers. We are all learning from each other every single day. Its a beautiful thing...sometimes scary and sometimes painful, but beautiful none the less.

Texaco said...

all the best parts of recovery lie in sponsorship. I'd give up without sponsees.

Mary LA said...

One thing I have noticed in myself and others is how poor and ambivalent our communications are in early sobriety. Clueless. And my moods seesawed between hope and cynicism and despondency.

I hope he persists and I'm glad this is such a learning curve for you and us!

Love

Mary

Prayer Girl said...

I consider it quite a responsibility and an honor to take a sponsee through the steps.

Thank God the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous lays out how to do this. I try as best I can to rely on God and my Big Book always.

It is such a blessing for me.

Laura said...

How wonderful that the response came back much quicker than imagined!

God is sooooo good!

Jay said...

I still experience fear when working with newcomers. My constant prayer is for God to give me the words, because this may be one of those times that what I say matters.