Thursday, February 5, 2009

The question.

This mornings reading from "Daily Reflections" had a quote from "12 Steps and 12 Traditions":

"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practise the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as I could." p.27

There is a spot in my life where I am stuck. A place I need to let go of. A place where I lived a long time in the past and now find myself back in that same place. I have a question lodged in my head, for which I know there is no answer, but I keep asking it anyway. Interesting how Steveronie shone his flashlite on it this morning.

The question goes "If God gets credit for all the good stuff, why doesn't he get the blame for all the bad stuff?" I could list zillions of examples of the "bad stuff" and also "good stuff." It's a question I ask everyday when I come across something I don't think is fair.

Someone close to me is grieving the loss of something that meant so much to her. She is struggling in spirit, in mind, and body. I wish her circumstances were so different than what they are. I wish I had words that could be a salve and ease her pain. A hug that would make everything better. (I can let her know that she is not alone, she is deeply cared for and loved.)

But the question still remains, why?

The reading from "Daily Reflections" goes on to say:

"Step two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own."

I understand that to move on, to enable myself to deeply trust in my Higher Power, I need to let go of the question. To stop finding excuses to blame God for all the problems that surround our planet. To stop being a victim of a belief system I no longer hold.

I like dogs. I like it when I can come up to one and then raise my hand toward it's head and give it a rub behind the ears. It gives me pleasure and the dog as well. Sometimes, I'm the dog that cowers toward that raised hand, that slinks low and disappears.

This will pass, somehow I will let go of it because I know I am in the hands of a loving Potter. I will eventually stop flinching and learn to trust completely. I'll know when I'm there when I stop asking why.

Thanks for letting me share.


Shadow said...

what a moving analogy... thank YOU for sharing.

Annette said...

This is beautiful. I thinks its something many wonder about and struggle with. And your solutions are cross roads we all face at some point in our journey. Thank you for sharing this portion of your journey. It is empowering to know that none of us are alone in our questions and letting go leads to our freedom.

steveroni said...

You know, when it happens that I just do not have time to do six or seven readings, i pick up tha DAILY REFLECTIONS...that little book covers, in a year's time EVERYTHING!

Love it.