Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Let go and let God

Why are somethings so difficult to let go of? Why does fear and anxiety cause me to make a fist which results in the impossibility of extracting my hand from the jar? Questions I have been asking for years. The only answer I have is to practise pushing the anxious thoughts away, to let them drift off, because they just keep coming. I am powerless over them. It''s like the effervescence in a glass of soda water, they just keep appearing out of no where.

As many of you know, my biggest "worry" challenge has been my addicted child. My biggest fear is that this child would die in their disease. Thinking on that fear causes me to clench tightly, refusing to let go.

It has only been in the last short while that I am able to, however briefly, acknowledge that I am powerless over the child's disease. There are moments when I can let go completely, willing to accept what ever is going to happen. Periods of time where I no longer feel 100% responsible for everything that happens in this child's life. When this first happened, I was filled with guilt. What kind of father am I for being so calloused, so uncaring.

I understand that when I grip this child with the strength of fear, the child loses and I lose. Fear wins the day, and gains another foot hold in my life. When I find the courage to loosen that strangling hand, to allow that child to make their own mistakes, to permit life to happen, my child now has opportunity. The biggest plus in that the child gets to see the results of their own choices. Choices that could harm them, choices that will be of benefit. Me letting go transfers the responsibility from me to them.

If you were to interview my children, you would get a lament from all of them about how difficult it was to extract the right to be autonomous from me. My addicted child has had a much more challenging experience than did those who do not suffer from substance abuse. We all need that freedom to grow.

I have no idea what the outcome will be. I have no idea on how my Higher Power fits into this picture. We are not chess pieces that God moves around in a game called life. I don't belief that fate already has our destiny planned out for us. God isn't someone that I can call on to make things work out the way I want them to. I don't know how God's will fits into all of this nor do I have to. My part is just to let go. Relax a little. Watch what happens. To keep on loving without have to reach in and twiddle those dials. To trust with no expectations of the outcome.

From Step 11 in the Twelve and Twelve:

We also fall into another similar temptation. We form ideas as to what we think God's will is for other people. We say to ourselves, "This one ought to be cured of his fatal malady," or "That one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain," and we pray for these specific things. Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God's will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of presumption and conceit in us. It is A.A.'s experience that particularly in thes cases we ought to pray that God's will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.

My will leads to fear, anxiousness, and fretting. Letting go and letting God might result in a wee bit of serenity.

Photo Credit: Val


Lou said...

"Permit life to happen". Because it will whether we want it to or not. I do believe in God, I do believe God has spared my son..although I do not know why.

My son has placed himself in harms way so many times..and I truly mean he should be dead. He has been clinically dead twice. Both times someone was there and helped him. How can I not believe?

I don't push my views, I think you know that. You can surrender without believing in God. When I truly let go of my expectations for the future (and it was not easy) my life and his got better.
I really try to soak in every moment that I have with him, and not think past today.

Syd said...

I believe in God's will. There is a greater plan. I am part of a plan, so is your child. Letting go as best I can so that I won't obsess and take myself down has helped me deal with a lot of things.

Anonymous said...

You are doing an amazing job, Hank. My mantra the last couple of days? "Hey, if it was easy, then everybody would do it!" Followed by a good cry.

Annette said...

Accepting the very painful fact that our daughter could quite possibly die from her disease was almost impossible for me to look at....but eventually I was able to even place that idea into God's hands and surrender to whatever His will would be. I hope it doesn't go that way...but it could. I have to trust that my HP has her in His hand...that is all that brings me sanity when my fears begin to take over.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Did I write this!! I am still struggling with letting go. You are right, the fear that keeps us holding on is not healing for our addicted child nor ourselves. Fear is a powerful thing to let go of. I just keep working on giving it to God, visualizing my son surrounded with the most beautiful and loving light and pray for a divine intervention when my fear is at an all time high (usually when my son is at his all time low). I don't have the answers and am just floudering around right now trying to let go. Thank you for this post, you are not alone!

Anonymous said...

Please pray for financial miracle Blessing from Heaven … for Work & Good pay for each Family Live on Same road I Live on.
I Pray for Prayers for Your Finances Blessing from Heaven. Only God in Heaven can Do, Bless Mine Hubby, Son & I. & rest of mine Family’s. Bless Finances Blessing from God, for each family That Live on Same road I Live on, I Pray for the ones who do not know Jesus as Their Saver, Will get saved in the Blood of Jesus Christ. I do pray In Jesus Name, For Young Children’s, Teens, And Young Adults. That lives on the same rode I live on, For Peace, Love, Joy, & Learn to Forgive there self, & others In Jesus Name… I Pray For Each School Age to stay in school, In Jesus Christ Name… I Do love U Jesus Christ in heaven what you is going Do, Bless You Lord Jesus Christ. In Jesus Christ name I Pray. Father in heaven you Get All the Praise & Glory & Honor Amen. Praise God.
Please Pray For Street Bullies & Schools. In The Name Of Jesus Christ. Please Pray for People that been attack by Witch Craft In The name of Jesus Christ. Pray for Enemies
God Bless Jews. & USA. In God I trust
Let Go, Let God Worry about Your Future. In The name Of Jesus Christ… God Bless you. I pray all you’re Prayers & Dream come true In Jesus Christ Name
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."
Colossians 4:2
"I called on the Lord in distress; the Lord answered me."
Psalm 118:5
Thanksgiving. Christ set an example of.
Matthew 11:25 At that time Jesus answered and said, I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent, and hast revealed them unto babes.
Matthew 26:27 And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;
John 6:11 And Jesus took the loaves; and when he had given thanks, he distributed to the disciples, and the disciples to them that were set down; and likewise of the fishes as much as they would.
John 11:41 Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me.

Here are a few Thanksgiving Bible verses to assist you in giving thanks and praise at Thanksgiving time or anytime throughout the year.

Psalm 31:19 (NIV) How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.

Anonymous said...

I like this. I do wish you would post more Bible vurses to go with your points though. We need to see Gods word as well. :)