Wednesday, December 23, 2009

feeling gratitude


I feel grateful for being able to live in each day closer to God, not having to make amends at the end of the day because I acted out what I was feeling inside. One thing about writing each day of my feelings, I become much more aware of them and how they tend to control me.

I was edgy all day yesterday till I came home from work. Things went well the whole evening, I'm surprising myself. At the meeting I attended, I was again paying attention to my feelings, how they were changing as various people took turns sharing, how quickly compassion could switch to judgment. However, if I would force myself to continue to listen to someone I disagreed with or thought might be "morally wanting" I could still hear something of value and worth from that person. Being judgmental can isolate me from a big part of the world.

Benjamin Franklin is quoted as saying, "A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle." I recognize how feelings, which come unbidden, can cause me to behave and act all wrapped up in myself. Makes my life all about me instead of what I believe my Higher Powers will is in service for others. I am thankful that many have pointed out that I can walk in God's will despite the feelings that accompany me.

Last day of work today. Off for the rest of the year. Lots of family coming over for the holiday, and weird for me, is that I'm looking forward to this. This will be my third sober Christmas and the apprehension levels are much lower. Thats a wonderful gift. This morning, the feelings of irritability and restlessness have lessened. That is also a gift.

In reading about humility, I came across this video of Desmond Tutu speaking on leadership. I'd like to share it with you:




Photo Credit: Darwin Bell

3 comments:

Syd said...

It all sounds good. I hope that you have a great Christmas. Having family and friends around and being off work are great things. I get some extra practice at working the steps in real life.

Patty said...

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you!

Lou said...

I can hear in your blogging that it helps you to sort out your thoughts and feelings here. You seem to be in a better place these days with many things. What a gift from God, and what a gift you have given yourself.

I love what you said about being able to enjoy family this year. I can relate. So much of the tension was OUR problem!

Merry Christmas, Hank. And oops, I don't know why I was not following, that is fixed now!