Friday, December 18, 2009

more keys

Still sober and still clean. What a wonderful gift to be given. Even through this round of personal conflict, of disappointment, of expectations and hopes not realized, of just plain old "being a stuck in the mud", with all the accompanying self-pity and anger, I did not have to drink or porn. I wanted to, I had started obsessing, but by the grace of God I did not. I am thankful because in the old days it would have taken much less to find the excuse to go drink and go on-line.

The chapter on step 3 in the "12 and 12" describes willingness as a key to working the step. I can see how willingness is tied to humility. It sounds to easy, so simple. To turn my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power can only be done if I allow it to happen. (I wanted to say that no one forces us into taking this step but then I remembered how painful my life had become before I entered the rooms of AA. Wanting to change was a powerful motivator to working the steps.) I see how the door of willingness opens and closes as we go through the cycles of life, the door being opened and closed by me, hopefully opening wider through each cycle. Life and circumstances continue of offer me lessons, the painful episodes the most powerful teacher of all.

I'm thankful that our seasons pass, that life moves on. Kinda like the weather. Never know what to expect. (I'm glad our snow has all melted.)

Each day this week, my mind is clearing up, the stinking thinking is occupying a bit less room in my head. Hurrah!!

Photo Credit: Ezioman


Anonymous said...

Getting OVER those humps makes them so much more worth while. Glad you are on your way back up.

Syd said...

I feel much better when the stinking thinking goes away. I need to remember that it does go away when I keep in touch with God.