Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Mr. Grrr and Mr. Arghh

This morning, it seems to be judgementalism at the forefront of my brain. Finding fault with fellow bloggers, finding fault in the news, finding fault with myself. I think it started when Mr. Restless and Mr. Irritable greeting me as I awoke. Grrr.

It's gonna be one of those days where I just need to "suite up and show up." Do the right thing for just now. I am going to live in this day alone and try to follow my Higher Powers will and my feelings, well, they can just come along for the ride.

I want to write about these feelings, this lint that I can never brush away, the emotions that have accompanied me since a child. These feelings have the power to take me out, lead me to relapse, if I let them. They need to be out in the open, exposed to the light. I can't fake who I am or my recovery will be fake. I've also noticed that the more often I practise the right actions without having positive feelings, the easier it becomes to practice those right actions. (I hope that made sense.)

What I have right now is what I have. I am where I am supposed to be at this moment of time. I can't be different than I am. There is no way I can skip the painful parts of my journey. So, like I have heard and read in many places, "the best way out is through."

This qoute from page 126 of the big book is reassuring to me:

Sometimes mother and children don't think so. Having been neglected and misused in the past, they think father owes them more than they are getting. They want him to make a fuss over them. They expect him to give them the nice times they used to have before he drank so much, and to show his contrition for what they suffered. But dad doesn't give freely of himself. Resentment grows. He becomes still less communicative. Sometimes he explodes over a trifle. The family is mystified. They criticize, pointing out how he is falling down on his spiritual program.

Makes me sure that I am on the right path because I am not alone at where I am.

Take care and thanks for reading.

Photo Credit: simulacrum

1 comment:

Syd said...

I think that these feelings of judging and feeling judged will pass. At least I have found that if I pray and keep in contact with my Higher Power, the feelings do go away.