Monday, December 21, 2009


The irritability, the restlessness, and the malcontentedness continues. I found myself okay at the end of the day yesterday, no amends to make but it took a lot of effort to make it through the day without snapping at someone close to me or walking out of a meeting when someone rambled on way to long. The noise in my head gets much louder when I am alone and sometimes I can feel very alone at a meeting.

Sometimes, when it gets bad, I just stop doing anything and imagine that I am resting in God's hands. I see myself cupped in those hands and let the tension drain out of my muscles. I imagine the safety that is to be found there and that everything is okay, even if the circumstances around me are far from comfortable. I rest for a while in this place and then carry on. It's a nice area to be being.

I witnessed my youngest grandson walking yesterday, taking wobbly steps between his mother and father. The biggest smile on his face as he did so. It was bliss to just sit there and watch. A few times through the visit, he came close to me and gave me the same smile. Moments like that make the fight for sobriety worthwhile. Makes me think of the trust my grandson has in him parents. Thats the trust I am learning to gain back in my Higher Power. It's become part of my morning prayer. I pray that I stay out of the way and not pretend that I am God and I've added that I learn to trust in God when circumstances seem so crazy.

Hey, one day at a time. Thanks for reading.

Photo Credit: Sy Parrysh


Annette said...

That precious little grand baby walking between his parents is a gift. New life learning independence, that he is strong, that he is surrounded by love and he can trust....there is a lot there. All we can do is keep on and do exactly what you are doing just for today. You inspire me to do the same. Keep writing please....I need it.

Syd said...

The grandson walking and smiling made me smile. There is lots to be grateful for I think.