Saturday, December 12, 2009

truth and trust

Sometimes I get caught up in the hubris of religion, seeing all that is done in the name of God. The trouble with altruism is that it can cause serious harm and death to those that hold a different truth than those of the helpers.

I chose to write a paper on the affects of residential schools on the aboriginal population of Canada. It is a story of death, of physical and sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, injustice, and pain. It was an experiment in assimilation by the government of Canada, using Christianity, to do away of the "Indian" problem by forced conversion and enfranchisement. It failed miserably. It's legacy still strongly affecting the aboriginals of Canada today. High rates of alcoholism, of addiction, of suicide, of despair, plaging the survivors and their children and their children's children. The story is the same in Australia, in New Zealand, in India, in the United States, and in many other parts of the world where this was tried. (more info here)

One story that haunts me is of a young boy, unable to speak English, continuing to speak the language he was born to, forced to change by having needles pushed through his tongue.

The people who set up the schools all across Canada, came with good motives. To help a people in poverty, to help them fit into a changing North America in the 1800's and 1900's. They believed they were acting with good intentions.

So, this has had a deep impact on my own spirituality, makes me question everything, leaves me wondering if it's possible for a loving, caring, compassionate God to exist? My doubts make it hard to trust in something that many people call God. The same doubts that existed when I was deep into drinking and porning. The doubts that stop me from feeling hope around the many different issues facing our lives today.

Step two states that we came to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we were restored to sanity. Stated the other way, I will fall into insanity if I give up all my own beliefs. A path that I don't want to go down. It's ugly, dark, and lonely down that one.

Just for today, I am going to try and trust. I will not try to solve the problems that plague this world. I will walk, hand in hand, with others in recovery and with my Higher Power. I will try to look at what is good and not at what is evil. One day, the embittered fog I seem to be walking in will clear, slowly, simply and subtly.

Photo Credit: Yeimaya


Annette said...

I am praying for you. Keep on keeping on. :o)

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

"Sometimes I get caught up in the hubris of religion, "

Sometimes you ALLOW yourself to become PREOCCUPIED with the failings of MEN in their FLAWED and UNSKILFUL pursuit of what THEY THINK religion is, and confuse THAT with the essence of religion itself.

The AA version goes like this:
"The more you think about the problem, the bigger the problem gets. The more you think about the solution, the bigger the solution gets."
"When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem the problem increases: if I focus on the answer, the answer increases."
(p451, AA Big Book) Third Edition. Personal stories: Doctor, Alcoholic Addict

I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become
You move towards, and become like, that which you think about, whether it is good for you, or bad for you

'Get your head out of the mud baby' as Bono says in the song Zooropa.. 'Lets go to the overgound..'

Green Tara Mantra (108 Repetitions)

shake off this cloak of negativity witha bit of Green Tara.

Hurts More, Bothers You Less

Syd said...

I believe that God is there and has been there all the time. I just chose not to exercise my faith and had my own will take over. That didn't work.