Saturday, January 30, 2010

Bulldoze

I spoke with the labour department of our provincial government yesterday about what the company was doing to it's staff. The women at the other end confirmed that the company had broken it's contract with me. When I asked her what could be done, she said all I could do was quit, file a complaint with her department, and they would try to get me a couple of months of severance pay and I would have to find employment elsewhere. (The nearest jobs in my field are thousands of miles away.) There is just no leverage to be had to force my employer to behave. I have one choice, stay or leave. I have decided to accept the changes, I'm not prepared to move or deal with the financial hardships, (at least not at this moment of time) of returning to school.

In the book, "The AA Way of Life" I was presented with something Bill W. wrote about the serenity pray way back in 1962:

We treasure our "Serenity Prayer" because it brings a new light to us that can dissipate our oldtime and nearly fatal habit of fooling ourselves.

In the radiance of this prayer we see that defeat, rightly accepted, need be no disaster. We now know that we do not have to run away, nor ought we again try to overcome adversity by still another bulldozing power drive that can only push up obstacles before us faster than they can be taken down.

At the meeting I attended last night, several members where dealing with some difficult issues. I don't know if I was being judgmental but I could see that they had built up mental fortresses that were making the obstacles much bigger than they really were. I can see how I do it, by the use of imagination, I create something I deem "the truth" and then proceed to "bulldoze" using my truth to drive the thing. When I am running with "the truth", then it's almost impossible to be honest, open minded, willing, or accepting. I am fortunate that I have all of you to walk with, that there are many who are willing to help us navigate through life. I understand that not only do I have to keep myself "right-sized", I have to keep my monsters "right-sized" as well.

Thank you for your supportive comments yesterday, they are appreciated. Something will come out of all these events, I have no idea what. Right now, these events are helping me grow and change. I am thankful for that.

Photo Credit: annrkiszt

3 comments:

Patty said...

Have you considered going to school part time at night? Yes, it is tough, but I have taken one or two classes at a time and I am almost finished. Sometimes we have to take charge of our destiny. I waited for years for things to get better at work and they never did, the longer I waited the smaller I felt. I finally stopped waiting and complaining and did something. I am not saying we are in the same boat, for me, I hit that proverbial "glass ceiling."

Susan Deborah said...

Always standing by you whenever, whatever.

Courage and love,
Susan

Syd said...

I think that the decision you made was wise. Without another job, it would be a tough thing to quit the one that you have. And things may work out there too. I think that acceptance is key to my serenity.