Friday, January 22, 2010

Entirely Ready

I was moody last night as I went to my home group. Darkness rolling in like unwelcome weather. I went in early to set up the chairs and make the coffee, hoping the gloom I felt wouldn't transfer to the room or affect the taste of the java. Appropriately, the meeting was a discussion on the suggestion of step six: "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." One of the members pointed out that we alcoholics rush to the end and focus on the defects of character, skipping past "entirely ready" and "God remove".

As I thought about what was said, I realized (this is dangerous ground, me thinking that is) that I am making a character defect out of the fact I continue to have an imperfect life. I end up believing that I am not entirely ready, that I am purposefully hanging onto my defects, that I am flawed because I do so.

The member pointed out that we just need to be ready to let God do what God is supposed to do. Somehow, the member made to step softer, more full of grace, took it out of the pressure cooker. Sometimes, I like to scrunch up all the muscles in my scalp and face, trying to force out that what plagues me. It's not about me, it's about God. I have to do my part but I'm seeing this step as more about acceptance and trust and not about doing something.

At the end of the meeting there were no new comers to talk to. For some reason, I had the least amount of experience in the room. I stayed till everyone left and still felt like I need to find someone to talk with. As I drove away, I decided to get some flowers for my partner and while at the grocery store, I ran into a new comer. Grace.

Photo Credit: The Gifted Photographer


Susan Deborah said...

Grace. There begins everything. There was grace all along. You just had to recognise it in the crowd and chatter.

Joy always,

Syd said...

I can remember wanting to get through the steps like it was some kind of home work assignment. I found that it would all come together when the time was right. So I saw my impatience as a defect. It isn't too much work, there is no grade for this--it is about having a new life.

BW said...

I really appreciate your sharing and look forward to reading your words every day...Thanks!