Thursday, January 7, 2010

Pendulum


In 1959, Bill Wilson wrote this in a letter:

The real question is whether we can learn anything from our experiences upon which we may grow and help others to grow in the likeness and image of God. We know that if we rebel against doing that which is reasonably possible for us, then we will be penalized. And we will be equally penalized if we presume in ourselves a perfection that simply is not there. Apparently, the course of relative humility and progress will have to lie somewhere between these extremes. In our slow progress away from rebellion, true perfection is doubtless several millennia away.

Bill Wilson often wrote about balance, of finding the path between being morose and being prideful. Being of proper size, not to big and not to small. If I work the steps, then I'll be on the way to finding my right size but I'll never become that guy who's emotions are suave, fit, and trim. I appreciate the bit about "slow progress."

I realized, last night, how hard I have been fighting this past year. Fighting against the circumstances of my life, wanting to feel like I'm in control of some little part. This fighting, dressed up as noble and worthy (starting a new career just a few years short of retiring) creates a lot of pain for myself and for those close to me. Maybe it's time to accept.

I wonder if it's possible to explore how we setup platforms in our minds. Find position's upon which we stand, that create our world view and ideologies. Some point to external truths, others to internal, others say there is no one truth, but we all create a point of reference. I know how hard it is to replace a damaged platform once it is constructed. How painful it was to acknowledge my alcoholism and start the work to change my thinking, my perceptions on how the world was ordered.

Finding that path of balance is part of the journey. I never seem to know when I have balance, only when I have fallen to either side. Makes for an interesting journey. Glad I'm not alone.


Photo Credit: TimboDon

2 comments:

Syd said...

You aren't alone. I too strive for balance instead of being careened back and forth by my emotions. I am trying to shore up my damaged platform with strong timbers.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

well I have the opposite problem :) I love a comfortable rut and have to force myself out of it, so I suppose we all have different tendencies that we default into. Study is hard for everyone, nomatter what age you are :) i know 23yr olds who find it overwhelming and problematic for their relationships, so I'm not sure its the age or closeness to retirement that is the problem..

yeah its much easier to tell when you are off balance.