Friday, January 29, 2010

shadows


The top gun of our company was in the plant yesterday, painting a picture of financial darkness, making us all feel like liabilities. After he left, an announcement came out that reached into my wallet and removed some of the contents, basically breaking our contracts. There was no acknowledgement of the hardship the cycles of layoffs, cutbacks, or the "more with less" that they expect. There is a fear and a possibility of bankruptcy. I want to go deeper into this, go on a rant, but that's not going to help.

I came home feeling dark, my daughter and grandson were over for supper, and I was quiet. The darkness rolling over and over, building. I was trying to pull out some of my resolve from yesterday, to work through this darkness, to live through it and not spend all my time wishing it away. So after supper, spent time with my grandson, watching a video he had made, reading through "I spy" books with him. Made him the centre of my focus.

Then I left to set up the chairs and make the coffee. Create the space for a meeting. I also imagined that I could create the mood for the same meeting, so I pretended I was in a good space. Tried to warmly great the early arrivers, trying to set some hope and compassion in the room. Someone came for their first AA meeting, we got to share about step one. It was a great meeting, the room was full of care, and I was part of it. Thoughts of work still niggling, but not captivating.

A couple of my friends are struggling right now. I have people to call, to visit. Work is just work, it's not the meaning of my life. It's being part of the "We" that's important.

Bill W, in a March, 1962 edition of the Grapevine wrote:

Acceptance and faith are capable of producing 100 per cent sobriety. In fact, they usually do; and they must, else we could have no life at all. But the moment we carry these attitudes into our emotional problems, we find that only relative results are possible. Nobody can, for example, become completely free from fear, anger, and pride.

Hence, in this life we shall attain nothing like perfect humility and love. So we shall have to settle, respecting most of our problems, for a very gradual progress, punctuated sometimes by heavy setbacks. Our oldtime attitude of "all or nothing" will have to be abandoned.


Photo Credit: Ricky David

7 comments:

Susan Deborah said...

How many times we are forced to break the pattern of the sadness that envelops us. Sometimes we form a comfort zone and sit in that sad bubble and lo! We have to force ourselves out of it when someone comes or something is about to happen. I guess this someone and the happenings are gifts from above to remove us from that pattern.

I am glad for your grandson and the AA meeting otherwise you would be sitting smug and sad.

Blessing of cheer and joy,
Susan

Annette said...

I am going to my home group tonight and I can't wait to get there. Aren't meetings, the routine, the service, the greeting newcomers, a lifesaver??

My husband works in the computer industry...and he worries. I tell him, if something happens we will leave the key under the mat and call the bank and tell them to come and get it all. We can go live in an apt somewhere and be just fine.

Our happiness must come from somewhere other than our circumstances...big words spoken by a hysterical mom. lol But I know its true...I just get lost sometimes and I know you have room for that imperfection in your heart without saying, "Practice what you preach sister!" lol

Elizabeth Fry said...

A very good blog. I'm sorry to hear about the setback of your work, and I really hope things work out.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could NOT survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead. p14

service does the same for me. gives me a better place to dwell upon and allows me to calm down and see what I have to be grateful for when things do not go my way. Fellowship and kindness exchanged between members of the group and suffering newcomers really puts things in perspective for me, and lessens the tendency to dwell on the negative.
keep doing the right things and the right things will happen. thats been my experience so far. if this job doesn't work out perhaps you can pick up your study instead?

Garnet said...

Oh, that's GOOD. What a wonderful quote from Bill W. Thank you!

I tend to be a hopeless best-case scenario kind of person. Bad news always makes me wonder what will come next. Where is my life shifting too, this time? My hope for you is that this reveals a marvelous opportunity, previously unforeseen.

gr82brees said...

Thank you for sharing this, I really needed to hear what you said. I pray BIG BLESSINGS rain down on you and your house! Look to the left and to the right, I'm sure they're there already!

Syd said...

A great reminder that work adds to the meaning of my life but isn't my life. I like the idea that acceptance and faith are the solutions. Working with others helps me to get over my problems and see that I have much to be grateful for.