Monday, January 25, 2010

unexpected tears

Yesterday was an emotionally neutral day. The undulations in my mind were minor, a treat, so to speak. Attended church with my partner, the minister guy speaking on addictions. I didn't argue with him too much in my head, agreeing with everything he said about the need for humility. We had a big hike planned for the afternoon but the weather turned to rain and wind and after deciding we were made of sugar, we stayed home and played board games. In the evening, I picked up my sponsor, went to a meeting (lots of newcomers at this one!), spent some time with my sponsor, then to home.

In January, we went to the movies three times. We hadn't gone out to movies for a long time and wanted to see Avatar in 3D. First time, it was sold out, so saw Sherlock Holmes which was way to violent for my taste. Second time, Avatar was sold out so saw "Up in the Air". My wife was bored and I had tears running down my face. Specifically when I put myself in the place of those being laid off. The third time, we finally got tickets of Avatar, and again I cried (several times), this time over the scenes of injustice to the indigenous peoples of the planet. The story in Avatar has been played out many times, all over our world, never with such a happy ending.

It bothered me that I was so easily moved to tears. So quickly touched when people suffered an injustice. When they become the victims of others. I'm wondering if that's at the root of all my emotions, a sense of injustice? Maybe? Maybe not? I do know that what ever is at the root of all this, but past experience has show me that it will painfully boil up to the surface one day and be exposed for me to see. That's one of the gifts of recovery and I am thankful for it. One day at a time.

Photo Credit: bitzcelt


Syd said...

I haven't seen Avatar but thanks for the warning. I find that I am easily moved by those things which closely mimic my own bad treatment. In other words, I identify painfully with those who are bullied, singled out, rejected, etc. That is the crux of it for me.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Hurts More, Bothers You Less

weeping over the suffering of others just makes you more human. not less. you should e heartbroken when you see another person suffering. i think this is progress. an opening. becoming more undefended. less in control. less held in. it breaks my heart to see the extent of suffering all around me in rather ordinary lives. i do what little I can to be of service, and that makes it seem better. at least i did my bit and tried to be of help, even if what I have to give is not very grand or impressive. it is enough to make me feel better. eases my concience.
ken explains it better.

Annette said...

Well, this is purely my own opinion, but I think that crying is so therapeutic and something to be embraced. I do it often. :o)

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you a have a big cry in there waiting to get out. What is the difference why? Maybe if you let your emotions (tears) out, you will find out what is at the root of them. Let go.

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

For me it is not the tears that are the problem. It is believing my thoughts, or following them heedlessly that is the problem. Empathetic, selfless tears are fine. But wallowing in a defeated mindset without any attempt to gain perspective while crying is not helpful and makes one weaker.

Try not to think of anything as inherently ''good' or 'bad'. Ie crying is neither 'good' nor 'bad'. Instead crying is neutral. Neither good nor bad, and can be done in a SKILLFUL (meaning helpful and nourishing) way, or an UNSKILLFUL (meaning undermining, weakening) way.

Things are never that simple. Sometimes something is good. Sometimes it is a bad idea. It all depends on the individual situation.

Anonymous said...

what Irish said reminded me of how Byron Katie ( says - what she realized (after an awakening) is that 'when i believe my thoughts i suffer. when i question them, i don't'.. :) Katie's The Work has been an excellent supplement to 12-step work really.

i too saw lots (!!!) of movies these past few months. hard to remember a time when soooo many GOOD movies were out at one time (or within a few months).

much love to you :)