Monday, February 8, 2010

fragments


As I continue through the land of shadows, I've wondered if I would recognize a decision point in my life when it arrives. Procrastinating a decision seems to be the preferred way with dealing with decisions. Performing no action, allowing the out come to be decided by others, just ignoring it, is how I can avoid the responsibility.

It has it's benefits for I can always blame someone or something else for how circumstances turn out. People also have no reason to judge me since I have done nothing wrong, how could they find fault? I can also carry the resentments of how life impedes me. I get to play one more round of "I'm the victim."

All of this is driven by the fear engine. That purposeless motivator. I end up navigating my life around my imagined fears.

Again, I was struck with fear and despondence as I drove to a meeting last night. An apprehension of the unknown, of what people might think of me, of what might happen. I thought of turning back home but knew the fears for what they are. It was a good meeting, the topic was step 11 (prayer and mediation.) Even better, a newcomer has my phone number.

I came across this reading in "The AA Way of Life":

When I am feeling depressed, I repeat to myself statements such as these: "Pain is the touchstone of progress." . . . "Fear no evil." . . . "This, too, will pass." . . . "This experience can be turned to benefit."

These fragments of prayer bring far more than mere comfort. They keep me on the track of right acceptance; they break up my compulsive themes of guilt, depression, rebellion, and pride; and sometimes they endow me with the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. (Bill W. Grapevine, March 1962)

I felt a resonance as I thought about the reading. Prayer fragments, I had never thought of the slogans like that. Ways to stay connected with something greater than myself as I struggle with emotions.

Photo Credit: d ha rm e sh

3 comments:

Garnet said...

What a new idea - to think of slogans as prayer fragments. I like it.
"attitude of gratitude" helps me when I'm down.

Syd said...

I don't know why those old fears arise in me either but they can turn my day into a dark place. I have comfort in knowing that they will pass. I have to pray, work with others, go to my meetings, and talk to my sponsor. Those things, plus self-care of rest, help the dark times to go away.

Patty said...

I like the idea of prayer fragments as well. Bill W. is so giving in his writings. He struggled just as we all do from time to time. I love his humility. Thanks for sharing this, going to dust off my copy of "As Bill See's It"