Thursday, February 11, 2010

Through the morass

Instead of falling into the sea of self-pity, remaining passive and unmoving as the world rolls over me, I'm trying to take an active part in protecting the hit on my finances as the company goes though it's hard times. I am powerless over what is going on, that my choices are to quit or accept. I can accept what's happening and I can lessen the impact of what's happening.

So I went forward, made some calls, trying to get information and find a place where my partner and I can make an informed decision. I am amazed at how much effort I need to do this. Must be something to do with the law of inertia. (inertia = procrastination?) That I need to push through the constant mental hubris that impedes me. There is no instant reward, I still don't have answers to all the important questions and the feelings of discomfort have not left. I am committed to following this through, and can accept that I may have no choice but to accept what is offered. At least I would have tried.

I did come home from work feeling sad, frustrated. These feelings won't leave and they created some friction between my partner and I. Last night and this morning, theres a bit of fear hanging around. (I'm chuckling inwardly, just thinking that this feelings are my constant companions, my friends who have been a part of my life since as a child. Some friends I've picked.) But I will try to live just for today, and do the next right thing.

My partner and I are going away for the next few days. We are going to a couples retreat. I am hoping that we can recreate meaning and direction in our partnership. I feel fearful and hopeful, all at once. I hope I am willing to bend, to change, that my mind remains open. Honesty, openness, and willingness are going to be great tools.

Just for today.

Photo Credit: Tamera van Molken


An Irish Friend of Bill said...

yeh . none of us like all that re negotiation and re assesment of work and finance. its scary for everyone i think.

good luck with the retreat. they cut thru the bullshit and make u uncomfortably vulnerable, but its good to drop the masks and habitual responses once in a while and do something different instead. :)

Syd said...

Good for you. The couples retreat sounds great. There is fear when it comes to livelihood but I like that the BB says that "fear of economic insecurity will leave us". I believe that things will work out as long as I am willing to do my part.

Susan Deborah said...

Joy, courage and peace always dear Distinct.


Annette said...

A couple's retreat!! Ohhhh Yay!! Good for you. Have a blessed time with each other. Can you tell I am so jealous!? :o)