Wednesday, March 3, 2010

self

I apologize for being away so long. Two weeks slipped by so quickly.

Since the couple's retreat, my morning routine has changed. I used to read other's blogs and write in my own. I used that time to explore what was going on for me and it has always proved helpful in my own recovery and emotional sobriety. These past two weeks, I have been taking time to explore breath. To simple breathe for 20 minutes, focusing on my breath and seeing what comes up in the way of thoughts and feelings. I then write in my journal, pencil to paper, keeping a log of my experiences, not attempting to judge what was happening.

It seems to be a continuation of steps 6 and 7. I think I know what my character defects are, I have tried to humbly ask my Higher Power to remove them and I still have them. So I used to see it as I am doing something wrong because God is not answering the prayer. I see today that I need practice acceptance. That I am the way I am and there is not much I can do to change who I am.

I am beginning to understand that compassion is not just to be directed towards others but also to ourselves. Continuously berating myself is a pointless endeavour. It brings me back to that place of self-pity. The jumping off point to drink. Love, patience, and compassion can be part of self-acceptance. I'm starting to understand that without self-acceptance it would be difficult to show love, patience, and compassion towards others.

I believe that we are to life passionately, not hide out in our caves. I've been a cave dweller much too long. The sunshine is calling.

I've been asked to start another blog, only this time being public about who I am, to show a face and a name. In doing so, I would have to change the topic of the blog, for I believe I would be breaking the traditions of AA in exploring recovery in a public place if I broke my anonymity. I've got some ideas but I have not started yet.

Thanks for your patience.

6 comments:

The Turning Point said...

Welcome back, I too have been away for almost two weeks. I'm rushing out the door to a meeting and want to write a better comment to your post, will get back to it when I get back.
You brought up a number of things going through my head this morning.
My wife and I went to a couples meeting last night.
Got to run

JF

Susan Deborah said...

dear distinct:

reading your thoughts was like walking with you and hearing you talk about life. your presence was missed but then everyone needs the time to reflect and ponder.

it will be nice to read your other blog as well when it arrives.

so long.

peace and joy always,
susan

Annette said...

Welcome back! You were missed. Gosh, pencil to paper... I haven't done that in awhile. Sometimes the simple things in life like journaling in an actual journal and breathing can really refresh our spirits. Glad you are back and thank you for sharing. I hope we will get a link to your next blog if you are comfortable with sharing that.

Steve E said...

Indistinct, it's been long time since I've commented here. Don't know
why...YES, we do not do photos on AA blogs--something about the name of our fellowship: Alcoholics ANONYMOUS.
Right? --grin!

Your wrote: "I have tried to humbly ask my Higher Power to remove them and I still have them."

Me too, then my sponsor suggested that I might have come up short on Step 6..."Were ENTIRELY ready...."

OH? Hmmmmm! I thought!

Glad to chat with you again.

Garnet said...

Hi Indstinct - Glad to see you back. Your journey away sounds interesting. I am so WITH you in your thoughts about compassion for our ourselves. Let the sun shine!

Syd said...

Glad to see you back. I think that the meditation you are doing sounds great. I hope that you will continue to post here or let us know where your new blog is.