Wednesday, November 24, 2010

acquiescence

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy, we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people.

We agnostics and atheists were sticking to the idea that self-sufficiency would solve our problems. When others showed us that "God-sufficiency" worked with them, we began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never fly (Alcoholics Anonymous, p52).


My recovery began at a moment when I was sitting in a circle with about twelve to fourteen others, still trying to convince myself that I was right and they were all wrong. Then a thought popped in about the insanity of my behaviour, how fear had me glued to old behaviours. I decided to take a chance, to listen and act on what these men and women were telling me, and my life began to change. It was embarrassingly difficult to let go of my deemed "essential truths." I admire others who have also done that, finding the courage to work through their fears and "let go".

I still bristle around God talk when others try to define who God is or what I should believe. I have a lot of letting go still to do. Yet prayer is an important part of my day. Each morning and each evening. The morning is about yielding and letting go. The evening is about gratitude. It's about continuing to deepen my trust in Something greater than myself. I am grateful that I rest in the Potter's hands, for change, and for the penetrating power of good ideas.


The price for serenity and sanity is self-sacrifice.

3 comments:

Syd said...

I too trusted what others said in meetings. I could see that their path was towards hope and peace. Mine was towards unmanageability and despair. Hope that you have a good Thanksgiving.

Anonymous said...

Hi

In the Big Book Bill W. said "......I was not an atheist. Few people really are......"

So wouldn't that make everything he wrote about Atheist a big fat lie?

indistinct said...

Hello Anonymous,

Could be, I don't know. There are lots of stories about Bill Wilson, lots that paint him into an unflattering portrait. He's certainly not my idea of what a man should be.

I've spent my life arguing and finding holes in others. Looking for fault in everything and everybody. Nobody was good enough for me. And then someone asked me if I would rather be right or happy. I still struggle with wanting to be right but I recognized that being right doesn't win me anything. Just seems to add to the general malaise of sadness that used to follow me around. The dis-ease that lessened when I stopped struggling with everyone and every thing.

I hope you have found or will find what your looking for. Peace of mind and heart are wonderful gifts. Thanks for dropping by.