Thursday, December 2, 2010

chivalrous

In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometime be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. (Alcoholics Anonymous, p61)

This description of the person who is trying to run their own lives intrigues me. In the latter years of my drinking and porning, I kept on hanging to the illusion that I was a nice guy. I really thought I was modest and self-sacrificing. It was much easier to be kind and patient knowing that I could drink soon. Just knowing the full glass was coming my way made it possible to endure all sorts of events and issues.

In the period where I had stopped drinking but had not discovered A.A. my life started falling apart. I could no longer maintain that facade. My anger kept boiling out, I had no patience. I could not understand why my relationship with my wife was deteriorating, even though I had stopped drinking and porning. I kept blaming everyone else for my problems.

I am so grateful for coming into the rooms of A.A. To see my problems as my problems. To learn to take responsibility for them and to start to mature at last. To discover that the solution for my problems is in helping others. To form a relationship of trust and faith in a Power greater than myself. To find honesty, openness and willingness. To realize that I am not perfect today, never will be, and that my life is a journey of discovery and growth. I have been given so much!


A.A.= Altered Attitudes

1 comment:

Syd said...

I see the struggle of those who are sober but still have alcoholic tendencies. All I can do is hope that they will get the solution.