Monday, December 6, 2010

indications

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by as strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions (Alcoholics Anonymous, P63-64)


I am am grateful for the twelve steps, how they seemed to be able to unlock the door to who I am and why I behave the way I do. Patterns that I developed as a child, that I never out grew, never could recognize, had the light shone on them and my fears stood out in stark relief. It was the beginning of change. I grow and change slowly. But when I am fearful, I recognize it quicker than I used to. I can see the pattern and then choose not to follow down that path. I used to feel like there was this rut in my head and I had no choice but to follow it to the end but today I feel different. I can reach out for help, to another human, to my Higher Power. I can recite the serenity prayer, the slogans seem to come into my head without effort. I don't have to be that helpless child.

I still slip into old patterns but can slip out of them easier. Progress, not perfection.


Pain before sobriety and pain before serenity.

2 comments:

johno said...

I love your gratitude, and i agree. Pain leads to growth towards... Perfection...!!! Always work in Progress :-)

Syd said...

Making spiritual progress is recovery to me. Thanks for being here.