Friday, December 3, 2010

New glasses

The other evening, I'm sitting at a meeting, taking inventory of others. I was in a pissy mood and I was doing what I do best, using my insides to judge everyone else's outsides. I was being particularly hard on one person. I try my best not to do this internal judging but it seems to flow when I'm stuck in self-pity. Feeling depressed brings out the worse in me and I have to go back to "fake it to you make it." Those judgmental feelings just suck out all the joy in a meeting. Compassion seems to be hiding under a big rock, the one covered with sharp edged barnacles.

Then this person whom I was judging, whom I felt was not compassionate or understanding enough was asked to speak. They spoke of how dangerously close they were to a slip. There had been some major life changing events and their whole world felt unstable, slippery. This person was so grateful to be at a meeting with the chance of staying sober one more day.

Well, what a dork I can be. In the good ol' days, I would have carried on in my self-pity, wondering why that person couldn't see that I was struggling more than they. But today, my heart can soften, the compassion and understanding can flood in, and I can care. I can reach out. My Higher Power does for me what I cannot do for myself. That crappy meeting was transformed into one of the best ones.

David L., over at IOCC wrote:

We are all on the same path, headed for the same ultimate destination. Some began the journey sooner, some later. There are of course crossroads and interchanges that take us off in directions that lead nowhere or that after much traverse bring us back to the path upon which we began.


Annette said...

Love this....I had a similar experience this morning. Not at a meeting, but with my own elderly mom. She was my very first alcoholic and now I am her caregiver and I am in a position of *having* to work through my stuff with her. She said something which I thought was "stupid." I asked her why she thought this particular way, why this particular thing even mattered to her and she explained....back a long time ago when your brother was on the high school football and his team slaughtered a rival hs team, I wrote to the coach of the defeated team. I felt so awful for them and I sent this note about not losing hope and keeping on. She said she got a beautiful letter back.

I thought, "Oh." Her kindness brings me to tears now. I know what time frame that was in our lives and I know all that was going on and she took the time to write to a defeated coach. That shut me up real quick.

Sometimes we are so stuck in our own stuff that we can't see the forest for the trees! It is good to be humbled every now and then. Imo at least. lol

Syd said...

I had that happen recently as well. The fellow tends to dominate and when I take his inventory, I think how lacking in humility he is. But not long ago he broke his arm and had to take pain meds. He shared that it was hard for him, because he is a double winner, to come off the meds. I felt a lot of compassion. One never knows what the other person is really going through.

johno said...

with ya on that one :)

over and over I am humbled!! I make a judgement about someone in my head and am completely wrong!!

hpe you are having a good Sunday :)