Wednesday, December 8, 2010

source

When a man or a woman has a spiritual awakening, the most important meaning of it is that he has now become able to do, feel, and believe that which he could not do before on his unaided strength and resources alone. He has been granted a gift which amounts to a new state of consciousness and being.

He has been set on a path which tells him he is really going somewhere, that life is not a dead end, not something to be endured or mastered. In the very real sense he has been transformed, because he has laid hold of a source of strength which he had hitherto denied himself. (The A.A. Way of Life: A Reader by Bill, p85)

One of the things I appreciate about this journey in recovery is the ability to look at circumstances and change how I feel about them. Yesterday, I was having a good day but later in the afternoon I started to feel sad, almost akin to depression. I wondered what had happened, what had changed, for the serenity that I was given in the morning had vanished, replaced by self-pity. As I took the time to review the day, I realized it was just one conversation, a conversation where I had realized that my expectations on a future opportunity were incorrect and that the task would be much more difficult that I had realized. I had shrugged it off but I guess it continued to nag and eventually I just felt sorry for myself. Once I could see this, I could use the tools I was given in A.A. and after sharing this episode with another, the mood lifted and I am once again looking forward to the upcoming challenge.

Dealing with emotions is usually not that easy. I floated in depression for years and still struggle with it in sobriety. Thankfully, I am not alone. In the hands of my Higher Power, in the company of good people, with love and compassion all around, the journey is possible.

3 comments:

johno said...

Yeh, AA fellowship and HP, and the toolkit :-) like you, i notice when i drift downward much quicker and notice and intuitively know what to do and what not to do. Not dragged down to the depths like in the past !! Your post is a reminder or me of my progress aswell, thanks :-)

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

I love this passage. I think before the program I stayed so busy and disconnected from my spiritual voice that I didn't know how I felt. It took some tragedy to actually make me emotionally aware. I was running with all that busy stuff. I still do that now when I am afraid of the emotions that lay just below the surface. I am learning to face them now and realize they will pass. This has been the most difficult thing for me facing emotional reality. I like you have slipped into depression in the past and now if I feel down I think oh god here we go again. I realize now that if I don't resist it it will pass quicker. I am stronger than ever and know and trust myself more and more. Seeing that it is normal when we are disappointed to feel something.

Syd said...

I don't allow myself to get too far into self pity. It is a slippery slope for me. I do my best to refocus on gratitude and all that I do have rather than on what I don't think I have.