Friday, September 16, 2011


Since a child, I have imagined a Higher Power (God) as just that, someone with Power. Horsepower, strength of the physical kind transferred to the spiritual.Someone who, with just a thought, would transform my life and make me into someone who didn't struggle with addiction, with depression, and all these resentments. I could not see that I was just looking for the easy way out, which alcohol provided. I wanted freedom from pain and a guarantee the future is secure (and also become a hero at the same time.)

If I look back over the year before I was directed to A.A. and the years that followed I can see where my Higher Power intervened.Flotsam within the tides of words, a touch calling out to life, a shared voice for a different future, fireflies for illumination, blood calling to blood. All formed the soft fragile threads woven throughout the heavy texture of depression. They formed a chiffon of defence against the veins call for the micron edge of four ten stainless steel.The light was calling and still calls me forward today.

For me, God works in small, mysterious ways. I feel that he/she takes incredible risk working so discretely behind the scenes. Using our circumstances to touch us, change us, allowing so much time for the process.

So when I humbly ask God to remove my defects of character, it is the word humble that I need to emphasis. It's my Higher Power's way at my Higher Power's time schedule. In the mean time, I get to keep on being of service to others. It's a great way to smooth over the rough texture of me.

(Service started, for me, by getting the key to the meeting. Getting there early, unlocking the door, making the coffee, setting up the chairs, and greeting people as they arrived. It grew from there. No hero status here.)


Annette said...

Beautiful post. So much of my relationship with my HP comes into a calm place of serenity and accepting His will for me, and He accepting me where I am, through my own surrendering of my will and acknowledging His will as my own. It is a process for me, and I get to choose many times, over and over again to surrender my will in all new circumstances that come up. At least now I know there is a different way other than pushing on and forcing solutions that fit within my limited perspective.

Also, as a sidenote, I think to each person who walked through that door to seek after sobriety for one more day, you most certainly were a hero for being there to welcome them in.

indistinct said...

Thank you, Annette.

The best part about service is that I get to stay sober one more day. A more wonderful reward I could not imagine! :)

Syd said...

Being of service to others is synonymous with humility. I like what you wrote about smoothing over the rough texture. My texture has been smoothed and the edges of myself have become less metallic with recovery.